The Art of Living

Farewell DumplingHaiku, Hello JonathanRechtman.com!!!

2008-09-22T17:13:00.001+08:00

P3010397.JPG, originally uploaded by jonbaron.

It's been fun, blogger, but the truth is I could never access you from China, and neither could all my would-be China-based readers.

I am proud to officially announce that regular blogging will be resumed at the newly purchased and custom-designed www.JonathanRechtman.com!!!

Please visit the blog there often (or RSS it as you will) and comment lots as I embark on sharing with you all my new experiences and new stages of life as I study Chinese-English conference interpretation here in Beijing!

See you there!

Yo

2008-08-17T19:17:00.001+08:00

Carrot Zoolander, originally uploaded by jonbaron.

This blog has been critically hampered by my recent inability to access blogger.com. I've now taken to blogging remotely via flickr, which means all my posts will be accompanied by obnoxious blow-up photos that may or may not relate to what I'm doing at the moment.

I've been having a ball in Dalian.
On Tuesday I take the train up to the Russian border for the final showdown with Chernobyl... after a long summer separated, we're either going to commit to moving to Beijing together or simply break up and hope to be friends.

In any case, I'm hopefully going to be in Beijing by the 28th, find a house, and report to the university on September 1st.

Hope all is good in the universe; will try and blog more regularly if possible... I'm thinking about just buying a domain name and starting a new blog on a new platform (maybe wordpress) when I move to Beijing. Anyone have suggestions?

For those of you keeping score at home...

2008-08-13T20:02:00.005+08:00

The Opening Ceremonies were a blast, the Games are underway, and China is currently leading in gold medals. All is as it should be on the sports front.

But that has very little to do with me.

The day before the Olympics started, I was still in Mongolia.

My trip, condensed, was like this:

Train from Beijing to Mongolian border-town: befriended a pair of clueless but adorable French guys beginning their first-ever adventure in Asia.

Train from Mongolian shanty-town to Ulan Baatar: befriended a hip Korean backpacker, and together with the French formed a team of four.

Ulan Baatar: an ugly post-Soviet city with a sickly sweet gloss of international tourism; that is, lots of car mechanics and Genghis Khan t-shirts, a strip of crappy Euro-trash restaurants and surrounded on all sides by acres of run-down yurt barrios.

UB to Lake Khovsgol: on the 20+ hour minibus trip over dirt horse-roads, we got caught in the smack center of a lightening storm. The roads turned to muck and we had to wait it out overnight, playing Chinese chess till the electricity cut out and sleeping on the floor of a little canteen.

Lake Khovsgol: the - b e a u t i f u l - alpine heaven lake perched at the northernmost tip of the country. In terms geographic de naturale, more similar to Siberia (and Russia's Lake Baikal) than to the grasslands of Mongolia.

Horse-riding: two days bumping up and down on a horse. I named my horse 巧克力 ("chocolate"), and we had a fairly good relationship, but he was a little rough on my bottom. Originally I wanted to spend a good week in Mongolia learning to ride horses, but after two days my balls were squashed and my asshole was burning and it dawned on me that horse-riding is absolutely inferior to hiking in all ways but two (that is, riding has a slight speed advantage, and you don't have to carry all your stuff on your back).

Hiking: ahhh, much better. My team of four set out on a 3 day-2 night hiking-camping adventure, summiting peaks, camping in secluded valleys, drinking nothing but fresh spring water, eating nothing but bread, jam, Snickers, and spaghetti, and generally enjoying long days of exercise and long nights of campfires and stars. Hit the fuckin' spot.

Back to UB: really, the roads in Mongolia are atrocious. We had all the "classic" road experiences, including one time when we got a flat, and the car had no jack, so all the guys had to get out and physically lift up the minibus while the driver swapped in the spare tire; and another time when-- after a 24 hour journey-- we ran out of gas 4km from our destination and had to get out and push the bus to the nearest downhill slope.

Last Hurrah: After splitting from the French homies, the Korean kid and I went out to the burbs of UB for a last night of camping. We found a sweet spot by a river, set up tent, and hiked up to the mountains to watch the sunset. It was dark when we got down, and we couldn't seem to find our tent. Searching, searching... close to midnight and we just give up, and luckily find a bunch of Mongolians camping that are kind to us, give us tea and fire and bread and a place to sleep. The next morning we find our campsite, but the tent and sleeping bags (and my friend's journal and camera card) have all been stolen. My buddy hitches back to UB to fly empty handed home to Korea, and I (with two days to kill) decide to walk back to the capital on foot.

Photography: amazing. I'm a dope fucking photographer. I was given a fly new DSLR before I left, and put it to good use... enjoy the gargantuan display of beauty and talent below.

Now: Back in Dalian, chillin. On Monday I go to Heilongjiang to see Chernobyl, and hopefully a week after that we head together down to Beijing.

For some reason, my blog has been inaccessible recently; I don't know why, and I don't know what to do about it, but this is the first time in a week I've been able to log. Hopefully it'll be better and there'll be more of this good shit to come, but who knows??

Until next time, still chasin' skirts and yurts,
Yours,
Jonathan

First Impressions of Mongolia

2008-07-25T17:49:00.001+08:00

Yo Whassup from Ulan Bataar.

I've been travelling on trains every night for the past three nights, and am about to get on another one this evening. Spirits are high and the sharp taste of adventure is in the air. (Why it's sharp, and how air can have a taste, these are both good questions, but I am afraid you will have to look inside your hearts and find the answers to them on your own).

Myself and the two Frenchmen I helped smuggle over the border here have been joined by a friendly Korean lad, and the four of us are setting off to a big lake in the very north of Mongolia (called Khavagal or something like that). It'll take us to days over trains and bumpy roads to get there, and when we arrive we'll spend 6 or 7 days hiking, camping, and horseback riding. Expectations are enormous, and armed with a ridiculously expensive professional camera given to me as a present by my boss the day before I left Dalian, I hope to be able to share some of its beauty with you guys via photograph when I return.

Mongolia is poor, but everything is conversely MORE expensive than in China, because it's all manufactured in China and shipped over crappy roads. Mongolians are friendly and speak decent English, their food is manageable but not as good as my Sinonized taste buds are accustomed to, and the weather is 100 percent GORGEOUS.

I don't know when I'll be able to post again... it may very well be two weeks, but if I do get a chance to find an internet cafe I will. I've already booked a flight from UB back to Beijing on August 7th, and will be heading back home to Dalian after that.

Peace God

I know, I know...

2008-07-23T22:48:00.003+08:00

I haven't posted in forever.

I have two excuses, both perfectly valid:
1) I've been busy.
2) My computer hasn't been able to connect to blogspot (reason unknown).

Super-quick update:

Changbai Shan. I went hiking on the mountains that seperate China from North Korea. It was stunningly beautiful, but I didn't get quite enough mountains. I also wished I had had someone to share it with. I took great pictures, ate dog, and had an all-round great time.

Back in Dalian. Working hard for the Chinese school, with which I have formally ended my career but for whom I will continue to serve as an informal advisor and English-guy. I also further strengthened my friendships with my brothers and sisters in Dalian, with lots of happy days and nights spent enjoying the city, eating yummies, chilling in coffeeshops, and chatting.

Chernobyl. She's been gone for over two months, stranded in Russia because of the difficulties obtaining a Chinese visa. From the brink of breakup, we managed to get a new lease on our relationship with a four day visit that ran the full gamut of emotions and activities and extremes that mark our turbulent coupling: laughter, tears, sweat, 5-star hotels, mountains, fights, and promises. It was wonderful and we're going to try and stick it out.

Exile. I have to bounce because of my own visa requirements. Rather than run to Hong Kong (ugh), I instead went to Beijing, where I boarded the famed Trans Siberian Railway and headed north, only instead of riding it all the way to Moscow I have instead "de-trained" at the Sino-Mongolian border. I'll cross over tomorrow, and spend the next two weeks hiking, camping, learning to ride horses, and eating roast lamb. Should be a good time.

That's my update. Will let ya'll know the flow as things develop.

Peace and love, don't push and shove: create civilized Beijing to build a harmonious society for the whole world to enjoy!

And I'm out...

WaFangDian English Language Super School

2008-07-02T23:00:00.002+08:00

The Chinese school I work for is planning a mad indirect viral marketing campaign featuring mock-ads for the WaFangDian English Language Super School.

What do you think of our pilot?
Comment!

Why China is Awesome : Reason #40,947

2008-07-02T22:59:00.000+08:00

SEGWAY COPS!!!

For My Beautiful Readers That Study 中文

2008-06-19T20:33:00.000+08:00

The Chinese school I work for is developing a new website that will help Chinese learners access the very best online learning resources.

Help us make this "learning portal" perfect by filling out a quick survey: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=0katkzTq_2bkSt7YqrpphJvw_3d_3d

Thanks!

Accent Alienated

2008-06-10T10:06:00.001+08:00

I bought a bottle of orange juice from a lady at a road-side stall late last night.

"li si lali len?" she asked me timidly as she handed me my juice. She was trying to say "你是哪里人?" (Where are you from?) but she had a very thick accent.

America, I told her. And yourself?

"wo si jiangsu di" (我是江苏的, I'm from Jiangsu Province [in the South]), she replied. "ni suo di hen hao" (you're Mandarin is very good).

"No, no," I replied with my now-regular modesty. "I still need to study more."

She rolled her eyes and gestured at the two of us. "You're Mandarin is great. Mine's no good. How long have you been here?"

"Two years. How long have you been up North?"

"Five or six years." She looked a little sad. "I'm too old to learn it now."

"Do you ever have people not understand what you're saying?"

She shrugged. "It's usually okay."

I could certainly empathize with that. "Do you get to go home every once in awhile. For New Years?"

She brightened up. "Yeah, occasionally. Man, you really speak good." She shook her head. "You sound just like them..."

"我们一起加油," I said. Keep strong! And I left.

It was that last line... "you sound just like them"... that left the big impression on me. Somehow, I had wound up on the majority side of the geographical/linguistic divide. I'm always been part of a "them" in China, but "them" is always foreigners; this time, I was standing with the Dalian locals and this lonely road-side juice-seller from Jiangsu was the foreigner. Weird.

I'd noticed this once or twice before, always when I take Chinese friends to eat Xinjiang food. In cheap Xinjiang restaurants, ornery bosses and their kid waiters bark orders back and forth in Uighur, using wildly unstandard versions of Mandarin to eke out a basic communication with the customer. A lot of my Chinese friends take great and sometimes mean pleasure out of mocking the Uighur's bad Chinese, and the Uighurs generally fire right back, stubbornly singing out tones however they want and saying (probably unkindly) things in Uighur.

After having to say "I want a bowl of noodles" three times before being understood, I once asked a friend if I was pronouncing it wrong. "No," he told me, "You're pronouncing it too right. They don't understand when you speak good Mandarin. Try slurring more."

I wonder what it feels like to be accent-alienated. I mean, I'm of course accent-alienated every day when I talk to my friends, in that my voice just naturally sounds different from most Chinese, but that falls under the much larger context of being a foreigner. I wonder what it's like for that Jiangsu shopkeep or that Xinjiang barbecue cook, who are by almost every standard Chinese nationals but for whom their very voices are marks of not-belonging.

Is it any similar to how a Texan feels in New York, or a New Englander in the Deep South?

Or is there not really any alienation at all? Maybe it's all in my head.
Anyway, the juice lady got me thinking....

Bring. The. Mothaf*ckin'. Ruckus.

2008-06-08T22:23:00.003+08:00

From the introduction to WuChess.com:

WuChess.com is the worlds first online chess and Hip-Hop community. You can create and share profiles with your friends and triumph over enemies on the 64 squares. Not just against people in your neighborhood but from all over the world.

Play live chess with people from all over the world and get your learn on.

WuChess.com lets you get knowledge from REAL chess masters online, or train in chambers against the computer to refine your skills.

Create your own chess clans to see who can build the highest ranking. Play in tournaments for prizes, or just for the joy of flexin' ya mentals.

At Wuchess.com you can log-on to watch chess clans do battle on and check out exhibition matches with Rza, other Wu-Tang members and stars from across the planet.

WuChess taking the game of life to the next level.

Show and Tell - Art

2008-06-05T01:58:00.004+08:00

For no reason at all in particular, I'd like to share two beautiful things that have nothing to do with China or my life right now: a picture I took in Ireland, and a poem by Etheridge Knight.

Feeling Fucked Up

Lord she's gone done left me done packed / up and split
and I with no way to make her
come back and everywhere the world is bare
bright bone white crystal sand glistens
dope death dead dying and jiving drove
her away made her take her laughter and her smiles
and her softness and her midnight sighs--

Fuck Coltrane and music and clouds drifting in the sky
fuck the sea and trees and the sky and birds
and alligators and all the animals that roam the earth
fuck marx and mao fuck fidel and nkrumah and
democracy and communism fuck smack and pot
and red ripe tomatoes fuck joseph fuck mary fuck
god jesus and all the disciples fuck fanon nixon
and malcom fuck the revolution fuck freedom fuck
the whole muthafucking thing
all i want now is my woman back
so my soul can sing

What's New in the Neighborhood

2008-06-01T23:34:00.002+08:00

Though you wouldn't really know it if you read my blog, there IS more to my life than making snarky comments about the New York Times and the occasional Ayn Rand joke.

I've been quite an active little social climber, recently, thanks to a few great "portal" friends and an abundance of time left on my hands with Chernobyl in Europe. (She just called me from Paris; she says the hotel-staff all speak English and the weather in London sucks).

Accompanying the disturbingly talented and thoroughly good-hearted Juan Hu -- a young software/media entrepreneur that found me on the streets (actually, in a book store) -- I've had the pleasure of hanging out with Dalian's elite crowd: business big-wigs, CEOs, lawyers, TV producers, anchormen, famous soccer stars, and other people-of-various-interest.

At the same time, I'm continuing my relationship with the art crowd; I had lunch in the burbs the other day with my professor friend and the crazy-modern-artist-in-the-woods that lives in a hobbit hole he built with his own hands. My other artist friend introduced me to his Kung Fu master recently (a little disappointing), and my schedule is busy enough that I actually have to turn down invitations to the events like the "modern film salon" or the "Buddhist nun delivers lecture on karma to the Dalian Millionaire's Club."

I'm at the point now where I'M becoming a "portal"... helping introduce small business owners to media companies to school administrators to painters and poets. Which a great feeling in and of itself, of course.

But the inflated sense of self-importance aside, the best part of all this high-brow elbow-rubbing is...........
The food.

My lawyer friend has an affinity for 5-star dining, so there's lots of chocolate at the Swiss Hotel and Japanese/Western at giant glass restaurants on elevated levels of towers looming above the city. The crazy-artist's patron is the president of a successful real estate company, and he treated us all to a seafood feast of giant prawns, squid, whole steamed crabs, braised fish, and the highly sought-after sea cucumber.

Despite it all, I try my best to keep it real... last night I put all aside and rode the bus out to the city skirts to chow down on some home-made dumplings at my friend's house. Gourmet is gourmet, but still ain't nothing taste as good as a juicy, pork-and-cabbage boiled dumpling.

Booya.

Now, then, it's round about midnight. Before bed I have to prepare for a project training I'm delivering tomorrow morning, research a hot stock tip, and watch another couple episodes of "No Place to Put Our Youth," the latest Chinese TV-drama I've become enamored of.

What a weird and wonderful world.

Shady Trady

2008-05-31T00:11:00.001+08:00

My cousin The Scribblerist is a mad cool cat lurkin' the streets of East Williamsburg, droppin' prose and paralegalism on any punk he meets.

He's got some mad dope observationisms on illicit trade that anyone interested in topics such as "China," "New York," or "the whole world and everything in it" would benefit immensely from reading.

Please proceed directly to enlightenment by visiting

http://scribblerist.wordpress.com/2008/05/29/the-interdependence-of-illicit-trade/

Thank you
-Management

PS: "Shady Trady" has to be the dumbest blog post title I've ever written.

Unrest in India

2008-05-25T21:08:00.007+08:00

In what is a bizarre scenario more fit for the pages of Catch 22 than the scratchy annals of history, members of one of India's lowest castes are rioting, burning buildings, and killing cops. Their beef? They want to be classified as an even lower caste! This would apparently make them beneficiaries of government-sponsored affirmative action-type programs.

I bet the good folks at the Ayn Rand Institute are peeing themselves.

In any case, the police have opened fire on and tear gassed the rioters several times, killing dozens, and there are now "thousands of army, police, and paramilitary forces" patrolling the countryside. A bloody tragedy.

I'm really curious if/how this gets played out in the Western media. Sure, there's no Olympics to boycott, but will India get the same bitching about human-rights that China got back in March? My early guess is................. not even a little.

http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/world/AP-India-Caste-Riot.html?hp

Laughing and Crying

2008-05-25T13:04:00.002+08:00

More brilliant China coverage from the NYTimes

Learning to Speak Olympics
So just what are Chinese people learning about the English-speaking world? For starters, we’re moody sluts. A book called “Love English” teaches that “Do you want to go to a movie?” really means “I’d eventually like to have sex with you,” while “I’m bored” really means “Do you want to have sex?” The final entry in “50 Selected Love Letters Between United States Presidents and Their Beloved” is from Monica to Bill, and introduces the adjectives “disposable,” “used” and “insignificant.”
The police, 60 percent of whom are supposed to be competent in English in time for the Olympics, study from a book called “Olympic Security English.” Dialogues called “Dissuading Foreigners From Excessive Drinking” and “How to Stop Illegal News Coverage” introduce useful phrases like “Don’t pretend to be innocent.”
Fourteen countries border China, but the only characters from neighboring regions are Muslims with names like “Mohammed Ali.” One culprit is apprehended while robbing an American’s hotel room, “because my family was killed when the United States bombed Afghanistan. I became homeless and I hate Americans.”

Gawking

2008-05-22T21:58:00.002+08:00

So I'd never even heard of Gawker magazine until I read this article by the apparently famous-among-voyeurs Emily Gould.

The gist is: gossipy homegirl becomes famous blogosphere demoness; romances swing with the mood, and the result is confusion, trauma, and regret. Front page, NYTimes Magazine.

The article is intimate, insightful, a bit fluffy, and disturbingly attractive; I can't remember the last time I sat and read ten pages of text on the web.

I then of course had to visit Gawker, google Emily, and wind my way through years of snipey backstory and cynical comments from the blog-consuming masses I pray never descend upon this quiet corner of the Internet.

All in all, this article raises interesting points about blogging and privacy, yada yada yada, and is worth an eye, but probably not all the eye I just gave it.

Peace

Belated Sentiments on the Earthquake

2008-05-21T23:31:00.003+08:00

So over a week after the earthquake of May 12th rocked Sichuan, China, and the world, I guess I'm going to say my bit now.

As everybody knows, the quake toppled schools, stranded entire villages, and killed tens of thousands of people, mostly the rural poor. Surely, no disaster-- natural or otherwise-- has destroyed the lives of so many Chinese in the past thirty years.

I haven't said much of anything about the quake on this blog or in my conversations with friends in China or back home. That's because, honestly, I don't have much to say. No words that can be written or uttered by me are adequate to contain the grief of widows and widowers, suddenly orphaned children and wailing, childless parents.

I'm speechless.

That's not to say I've been paralyzed by grief, by any means. In fact, my reluctance to communicate on the issue and the geographic distance between Dalian and Sichuan (about 1550 miles) has allowed me to go about my day to day fairly unaffected.
(For those curious about what it was like closer to the scene, a good friend of mine living in Chengdu has some fascinating observations)

In ways I am inspired more than stricken, watching the entire country rally to the cries of a demographic that sometimes gets left behind in the nation's rush to development. Last night I attended a candlelight vigil/miscellaneous patriot assembly at Xinghai Square. A thousand or so young people had gathered to light candles, wave flags, and chant "Go China! Go Sichuan! Go Beijing! Go Olympics!" Fervor for country and country-men is awe-inspiring, even when it gets off track a little bit.

So the long and short of it is, I feel immense sadness, sympathy, and regret for all those killed and injured; I pray that everyone affected is blessed and protected; I believe that China as a whole has the strength to heal and the wisdom to repair, and that the second half of 2008 will treat this great country much better than the first half.

中国加油！

Miscellaneous Happenings

2008-05-14T22:32:00.008+08:00

Been keeping fairly busy with my regular disarray of work and friends here in Dalian.

Last night, my brother-friend/art-exhibitor M invited me to small modern art exhibit he arranged at the newly opened and highly cool 乐活书吧（or, LOHAS BookBar...apparently an English acronym for "Lifestyle of Health and Sustainability," which I've never heard of, but which could plausibly be a uppity art trend back West).

The event was cool; a bunch of art critics (including my other friend, the Anhui-Swedish contemporary art professor) sat around drinking red wine, eating watermelon, and discussing aesthetics. Not too shabby. I tuned in for awhile, then wandered around the bookstore part of the bar, where I found a translated Chinese copy of the immensely readable philosophy primer, Sophie's World.

While browsing I also happened to bump into 白君虹, who was the artist being exhibited and celebrated at the event. We chatted for awhile and she bought Sophie's World on my recommendation. The below is a pic of us she emailed to me afterwards. Hopefully, we'll keep in touch... I'm always looking to increase the number of cultured people around me, if only to hide my 彪 nature from society's judging eyes.

During the days, mostly, I'm working. My job at the Chinese school has gotten more and more interesting as we've started to turn the projects I design into reality: this week we did our first trial session of the 傻瓜课程 I've put together. The 傻瓜课程 (or "Idiot's Lesson") is basically a Teaching Chinese for Dummies module, a pre-fabricated lesson plan that any teacher can effectively adapt to any student. It's an interesting model, and we're relying mostly on multi-media and interactive exercises to get students away from the textbooks and really into the language.

Since most of the "multi-media" we're using is actually "stolen" from other organizations, I'm working on a parallel project to manufacture our own Chinese learning videos. Acting as writer and director, I recruited two teachers and the head of our school to act in three short lesson-videos for beginner students in Business Chinese. Here's a screen-shot of our "Meeting Mr. Manager" lesson-video.

After a long day of video post-production (adding subtitles in iMovie can be a bitch, I tell ya), I left the office at three this afternoon and met my friend V, who invited me to have dinner at her place (V's mother is an amazing cook).

But on the way back to her place, something happened...

Who would be the victim if I said I ended a long-term and (for me, at least) monogamous relationship by having an unplanned but ultimately delightful affair with my friend V?

Not my girlfriend, Chernobyl.
My brother, Hermano!

You see, for almost two and a half years now, my brother has been my sole and faithful partner in amateur barbering... that is, we take Swiss Army knives to each other's scalps and carve the hair up real good.

But not long ago I found my brother has been, uhum, seeing other people. So this afternoon I decided to be naughty and let V take a turn at the wheel. Being significantly more concerned with appearances than my brother, however, she insisted she cut my hair in an actual barbershop (instead of on a mountain where Hermano and I usually do it). So we paid a barber 10 kuai to borrow his chair and his scissors, and V went to work on what was becoming quite a thicket.

The result? See for yourself:

Not to shabby, I think. Later, as I paid the bill at a coffee shop I frequent often, the waitress said "hey, I like your new haircut!" which surprised and kind of appalled me; the reason I get my haircut by amateurs is because I like feeling ugly sometimes... it's a anonymous and humbling experience.

In any case, the haircut got topped off with a first-rate dinner; I can't resist listing the delicacies: cauliflower-and-meat, winter-melon-and-meat, Dalian mushu with egg and mu'er'dou, a heap of fried salty sliver fish, and boiled squid in garlic sauce. Fresh corn on the cob. Fresh lettuce and spring onions. Conversation was provided by V's mother, who recently returned from a tour of Yunnan's Xishuangbana and gave us a picturesque description of minority tribes on the Myanmar border that live in trees and eat leaves and have black teeth and no electricity. For dessert we ate fresh, juicy watermelon, something called 山竹 (mangosteen?), and the most absolutely scramble-your-brains delicious sweet little mangoes that V's Mom brought from the rainforest, which I will remember forever as ORGASMANGOES.

Now then, I'm back at the flat and about to finish the end of 奋斗, which I've been watching almost non-stop since writing the great blog-post about struggle that nobody cared to comment on.
Unfortunately, I'm almost done with the whole show; I'll be sad when it's over, but I can always listen to the fantastic theme song whenever I want.

Night ya'll!

Struggle

2008-05-11T11:14:00.003+08:00

ChinesePod recently did a lesson drawing on the popular television drama "Struggle" 《奋斗》 and its portrayal of the conflict of values between the pre- and post- 1980s generations in China.

I've been watching Struggle on and off for about five or six months now, and have been back on it again recently with a vengeance (coincidentally, the ChinesePod lesson was on the exact same episode I had left off on, which made it very easy to get back into the show).

It's an interesting show. The protagonist-- a recent college grad with a passion for architecture design and skinny women-- is pretty much the raw essence of Youth: arrogant, determined, moody, idealistic, selfish, demanding, and confused. Despite all this, he's still very likable; anyone under thirty is likely to find some way of identifying with his "struggle for life, for progress, for love."

To a lot of young Chinese, the show is full of realistic situations that arise from unrealistic circumstances. That is, "this is probably how I would feel if I were the illegitimate son of a billionaire real estate baron eager to brand my name on the world." Which, of course, most people are not. A fair criticism is that the show is really about one spoiled kid that has too much money, too many girlfriends, and not any real "struggle" to speak of.

But to a lot of other young people (particularly Westerners living abroad here in China), this privilege might not seem so unfamiliar. I certainly have been given an incredible amount of opportunity in my lifetime, and the quest to translate that opportunity into achievement while simultaneously chasing love, art, friendship, and enlightenment often leaves me feeling uncertain and overwhelmed at times, and I think I'm on the pretty well-balanced end of the spectrum to begin with.

Philosophically, I have a pretty complex relationship with struggle. On the one hand, I have an existentialist desire for constant self-improvement: I always want to be better, stronger, wiser, and more passionate than before. I'm not interested in competing with others, per se, but rather engaging my own self in a struggle for a greater life experience.

On the other hand, I have a deep appreciation for the Daoist's wuwei 无为，the principle of inaction, and greatly subscribe to the proverb 顺其自然，or "follow the course of nature," all of which leads to a more relaxed, hands-off approach to leading one's life. With this in mind, "struggle" seems like a futile twist in the wind, worth a sad chuckle as you sip your tea and contemplate the beauty of maple leaves. Maybe the best things in life are the ones you don't have to fight for.

How do you struggle?
Is life a fight or a boat ride?
This is a really interesting question to me, and I hope we can get a discussion started here about it.
Go!

Blog Recommendation: Stuff White People Like

2008-05-11T00:57:00.005+08:00

What can I say?
It's well-written, funny, and startlingly precise.

I like it.

Browse the menu:
http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/full-list-of-stuff-white-people-like/

I'm Lampin'

2008-05-09T11:43:00.005+08:00

Dear Mr. Rechtman,

Following your application and interview with the Selection Board, I am pleased to inform you that the European Commission's Directorate General for Interpretation has decided to offer you an EU Chinese Interpreter Training Scholarship...

YEEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!

No more speculatin' and posturin' here, folks; no more "gee, I really think I have a good shot" or "hey, we'll just have to wait and see." Nope, it's official now: I am the cool cat of Eurasia. I'm the dopest thing to drop since math class. I'm as fly as I wanna be, clever as a rhyme... I am dominating the catbird seat... you read that right; all that AND a bag of chips.

Indulge my bragging; I'm very very happy right now. Since I first saw the call for applications four months ago, this scholarship has all along been a very nifty abstract idea, a "wouldn't that be cool" whim I could play with in my head without becoming too attached to or taking too seriously. But it ain't abstract anymore! It's actually going to happen; not an interview, not a short-list... it's over. I won.

There is no proper way to express the mixed but not-contradicting feelings of gratitude for a great blessing and self-congratulations for a job well done. It's like "I'm so lucky" and "I'm the man" all at once. In any case, it feels great. Not only do I get the sense of satisfaction of having proved my Chinese skills to a board of experts and to myself, but also the reverberated happiness of making my family, friends, and loved ones very proud.

I feel very, very blessed.

Here's the SkollerBoat D-tales:

WHO: Me. And other lucky and/or gifted scholars.

WHAT: A post-graduate diploma course in conference interpretation at the University of International Business and Economics. Course covers both consecutive and simultaneous interpretation.

WHERE: The new and improved Beijing, which is being made cleaner and more beautiful daily by the sheer will of a glory-hungry Olympics-hosting authoritarian government (of the people)(for the people).

WHEN: September 2008 - June 2010

HOW MANY BONES, OR CLAMS, OR WHATEVER YOU CALL THEM: Twenty-five Thousand Euros for two years (or $19,000 USD a year, or 10,000 RMB a month). No matter how you slice my pie, fact is I'm eatin' real well in China for the next 700 days.

THE CATCH: Alarmingly minimal. If you get a Boren Scholarship or other US government grants to study, you wind up owing the feds several years of career service. The EU, however, is a more benevolent giver. After gifting me money, training, and a valuable and immensely marketable skill, they'll send me off scot-free and ask only that I give them "first call to my services, as a freelance interpreter, subject to normal recruitment deadlines and payment conditions."

The natural dream, of course, is that I can milk this into a long-term multi-continental and perpetually interesting freelance career; essentially, a series of awesome gigs. But the truth is I know very little about the interpreter's lifestyle; if there are any interpreters reading this, I would love to hear from you.

In any case, I'm walking on a cloud. I'm also very happy that I got the Beijing assignment, because I have several good friends in that city and believe I'll get Chernobyl and possibly even some of my Chinese friends in Dalian to move there with me.

In the meantime, I'm going to be in Dalian in May and June, working and taking little trips to explore Dongbei (equipped with my fly new ultra-tiny sleeping bag). In July and/or August I'll either take a bigger trip somewhere exciting or else go home for a couple weeks before coming back to Dalian with La Mama, to whom much credit for this achievement is due and for whom I'm buying a plane ticket to China as a show of deep love and appreciation.

Bottom Line: I'm happy and healthy and excited about the future. Things are going really well and I pray to those laughing, capricious gods above to keep it that way.

Much love and fist-pumping excitement to all of you,
-赵晨威

Mountains! Tents! Campfire! Rain! Chernobyl!

2008-05-06T19:49:00.009+08:00

That was my 五一, the four day weekend bestowed upon us as a tribute to all those workers working on work.

I took Chernobyl on our first outdoor adventure, two days and two nights at 冰峪沟, the ambiguously-famed "Guilin of the North." To be fair, quite beautiful. I'd actually been there once before in the fall, but this time I found the golden canopies replaced by gorges of green and wildflowers of every color, a rushing river and hordes of tourists.

I was nervous about the Chernobyl situation; though she was very enthusiastic about going, I was worried that my CREED mode of travel (that is, aiming to be as Cheap, Reckless, Extreme, Exhausting, and Dirty as possible) would clash with her no-less-than-five-star princess mentality.

Is it wise to bring a nuclear princess to sleep at a farmer's house? To climb a mountain straight-backed after losing the trail? To pitch a tent and a sleeping bag and ask her to try to ignore the rain beating down heavily through the night?

No, it's not.
But, miraculously, the meltdown was avoided. In fact, despite all the achey legs and unsanitary living conditions, Chernobe kept a great attitude and had a lot of fun. We broke away from the crowds, got ourselves good and lost, and cheered each other on through a series of obstacles and snake-traps to the pagoda-topped summit of an incredible Guilin-gorge-esque mountain (see, if you can, the tiny dot on the top-right mountain in the big pic above).

Though we left sleep-deprived, hungry, tired, filthy, and wet, we agreed it was a great escape from the city and vowed to return to the wild together again in the future.

In the meantime, however, she's off to Russia, England, and France for her much-anticipated Euroxperience.

(and I have my own Euroxperience to tell you about soon.............oooooooh!)

Enjoy the pictures!

Lazy Blogger

2008-05-01T07:33:00.004+08:00

So what's the deal, huh? How come no blogging recently?

It's not like I've been busy with work (ha!). After my interview in Beijing and a truly first-rate visit with The Professor (complete with a stay in the Russian Room and a sampling of his inconceivably delicious home-made apple-tomato jam), I spent an excellent ten days at home in New York.

Highlights:

Surprising my Mama-- had orchestrated with Padre to get the drop on the Mother Hen. Went down smooth as smoothies. When I walked in unexpectedly her face turned into a giant O. Also in the surprise category falls Hermano, Baby Grandma, my cousin Benny, and Egg.

Escaping from Egypt-- the formula for Jewish holidays is in effect: "they tried to kill us; we survived; let's eat." Two wonderful Passover sedars, with delicious eatables due largely in part to my darling Grandma, who took time out of her busy globe-trotting schedule to stay with us for the holiday.

Winning a Visa-- horror stories from ex-pat friends about tightening border controls, denied visa applications, and refused entries had me sweating on line at the NY embassy like a 16 year-old Chinese kid getting ready for 高考. Finally, armed with two passports, a letter of invitation, a bullshit flight itinerary, a lot of photocopies of stuff, and the help of a realllllly realllllly nice embassy guard, I managed to con my way into a double-entry 3-6 month visa. Booya!

New York Fucking City-- my belated love affair with the city I was born in gets deeper and deeper with every visit. I always took the city for granted when I lived in the area, and I even looked down on it after moving to (cleaner) (more accessible) Washington, DC for college. But since graduating and watching all my old friends move to New York to pursue their lively and diverse careers and misadventures, I've found it really is a pretty damn cool place to be.

Orientalism in Reverse-- when most people first go to Asia (myself included) there is inevitably an element of exoticism involved. "Ooh-- look at all there strange, colorful customs! They're so different!" This time round, I noticed I had that same feeling visiting my hometown. The fact of it is, New York is really exotic. I mean, 56 peoples aside, China is for the most part ethnically homogeneous, and even stylistically homogeneous (i.e. you have a handful of pre-fab alternative trends, but nothing too crazy). Lat week I found myself walking around Tompkins Park looking at people like a wide-eyed country bumpkin... "Everything is so wonderful and diverse, colorful and unique! So different!"

Visiting Friends-- if I were asked what makes me so cool, I would say it's because I have the coolest fucking friends. For rizzle. I spent a bunch of days just walking around the city visiting old comrades, and it was wonderful. The impressive part is that I made contact, scheduled meetings, and met with 8 or 9 people all over Manhattan and Brooklyn all without a cell phone. My secret? Perch in doorways on the street with my laptop and scan for un-passworded WiFi signals till I could connect to Skype. Next time, I'm just buying a pre-paid.

Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay-- BONNNG! My friend is tight with an events manager and got us tickets to the premier of what the New York Times heralded as "immortal," a film whose "idiocy serves the cause of good sense and intelligence." *
Seriously, though, I have to admit I loved this movie. It starts off dumb, dips a little dumber, but then steadily climbs in quality and commentary to the level of supreme narcotic satire. Cheech and Chong were never this good. And, for the record, I love Neil Patrick Harris just as much as Rob Corddry.

*Evaluating stoner movies seems to be the only goddamn thing the Times can get right these days.

Pizza-- sure, I love my family and friends, but honestly the biggest thing I miss living out here is a real slice of thin-crust NY pizza, topped with fresh mushrooms and just a littttle bit of extra mozzerella. Oh damn, but this is one toasty little orgasm that is most definitely not kosher for Pesach.

Coming Back to China and Chernobyl-- is it true that the best part of a journey is always the return?
No. But still, it's very nice. After my ten day break, I got back on my three planes and 24 hours later was happily in the arms of an anxiously waiting Chernobyl. Since then we have been happily enjoying good meals, good conversation, and each other, as is our custom.

And what happens now?
As soon as I got back, I went on vacation (come on, it's International Workers Day!). My boss told me I'm free until the 5th.
On the 6th, Chernobe leaves for a 30 day tour of Vladivostok, Moscow, London, and Paris.
On the 7th or 8th, I'll hopefully hear from the EU about the interpreter's scholarship (and hopefully hear good news).
Based on what happens with that, and how Chernobyl and I decided to handle things for the future, I'll either spend the summer working in Dalian or traveling around China or both.

In any case, I'll try and keep writing, hope you'll keep reading, and let God and the Party settle the rest.

Peace and feast,
The Artist Formerly Known as Tender Jefferson

Interview with the European Union (full but censored)

2008-04-17T19:01:00.006+08:00

CONTINUED FROM BELOW
(please note I first wrote this post in its entirety on a plane, and then went back and ******ed some information before posting. The hidden info is all about specific details of the interview questions and the nature of the tricky stuff I made mistakes on, which I am hiding because the interviews have not been completed. Truth is, it's much more interesting with all that stuff included... if you're interested in the Chinese-lanuage aspect, and are NOT applying for this scholarship, feel free to email me and I'll send you the unedited report)

SO!

The Scholarship Selection Committee was made up of a panel of four: three European men and a Chinese woman, all of them bilingual and all of them professional interpreters.

They were very friendly, welcomed me cordially, introduced themselves and offered me chocolate they had brought from Europe. They asked me some background questions (in English) about my experiences studying Chinese, and after a couple minutes we switched to Mandarin.

When the prelims were taken care of, we began a series of "language exercises": two interpreting tests and a sight-translation test.

In the first test, the Chinese woman spoke in Chinese about ****. She spoke for a solid five minutes at regular speed, and I was asked to listen without taking notes. When she was finished, I was asked to repeat back as much of it as I could in English, in as much detail as possible. I think I did quite well, though I discovered translating between the languages wasn't really as hard as remembering everything she had said to begin with. In any case, they seemed fairly satisfied with my performance, though they did ask me to clarify several things, fill in some blanks, and gave me a second chance to correct my only major translation mistake:

***** = "*****," not "*****" as I so pathetically offered.

Test #2 was the reverse: the chair of the committee spoke for ~3 minutes in English (the topic was *****) and asked me to say it back in Chinese. I think my response was accurate but not eloquent. I was chided for translating "*****" as ***** (the professional translation is, apparently, *****). I also made another mistake related to the proper names of international organizations; the ***** is ***** (literally "*****") not the deceivingly straightforward ***** that I opted for. Finally, they insisted I had mistaken 建议 for 意见, the former being a suggestion while the latter being merely an idea.

The sight translation was the final language exercise. I was given a short article on Chinese social issues and asked to read the first two paragraphs aloud. This, I presume, was simply to see how fluently I could read off a page (which is no problem-- I spend a lot of time browsing crappy Chinese lit mags, and can read damn well fluently off a page). Then I was given five minutes to read the text, take notes, and give them a summary report in English. It was for the most part a breeze-- the article's content was logically structured and fairly simple linguistically, and I had no problem presenting it in an organized and eloquent manner.

Aside from the language exercise, there was also a multiple choice test with 15 questions about the EU. I was pleased to discover my studies had left me pretty well-prepared. I answered 11 of the questions confidently, half-guessed on two, and full-guessed on the other two. That leaves me with an expected score of 12.5, which ain't too shabby considering my European identity is er, pale.

When all the tests were finished, the committee asked me about why I wanted to be an interpreter. I had prepared a long, oratorical answer to this question, but time was short so I gave them the gist of it, including my favorite:

"...because to be a conference interpreter for China and the EU is to be in direct and constant contact with two of the most important epicenters of political and economic influence in the 21st century, with the most cutting-edge information about economics, politics, science, and culture literally flowing through you-- in that sense, it's not just watching history unfold before you, it's actually feeling history unfold THROUGH you, and I think that's really cool..."

At the end of the interview, while no one said anything explicitly encouraging, I did get the sense that I had a good shot at the scholarship. Hopes are high-- truth is, the interview and the language exercises themselves were so challenging and fun, it made me pretty sure I would enjoy studying this and hopefully pursuing it as a career.

The interviews in Beijing concluded yesterday, and will open again in Brussels on May 5 for applicants living in Europe. I should hear the results shortly after that.

In the meantime, I'm taking a secret trip. I've written this blog entry on a New York-bound plane... in twelve hours, my father will pick me up and I will deliver a homecoming Passover surprise to my unsuspecting mother and brother. Bwahahahaha--- not only handsome and brimming with Chinese skills, but lethally cunning to boot.

"I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU!!!"
"Yeah, well, I am pretty unbelievable!'

And a dollar for anyone besides Hermano who can identify that quote.

Interview with the European Union (teaser)

2008-04-16T14:46:00.004+08:00

Yesterday morning I woke up early, showered and shaved, and dressed sharp. Fly collar shirt with a moleskin blazer-- handsome and fashionable, second only to Will Smith.

Outside, the weather was perfect as I never thought possible in Beijing-- warm and breezy with fluffy white catkins in a rush through the air. Spring like a tangible scent. Comfortable, welcoming, cool.

I took the subway (Beijing is notoriously well-planned. Within hours of my arrival, I felt I had a decent grasp on the major modes of public transportation). The new #5 line took me to the Beijing University of International Business and Economics, a healthy if worn-looking campus not far from the main Olympic construction sites.

Twas there that I met my fate at the hands of the EU English-Chinese Interpreters Scholarship Selection Committee....................

..................but I have to run, so you'll have to be patient before hearing about the interview itself. I assure you, it will be worth the wait.
TO BE CONTINUED

Safely in Beijing

2008-04-14T02:06:00.001+08:00

I'm up late at night surfin' the interweb here at my friends' place near Chaoyangmen
... tomorrow I'll be sightseeing and preparing for my interview.

Look for pictures soon!

Shape the Minds of Millions of Chinese Kids with Me!

2008-04-10T11:40:00.002+08:00

A month or two I posted a question about how to treat fat kids in an English textbook I'm writing for a publishing company here in Dalian... I think it was one of the most popular posts on this blog; everyone had an opinion.

Well, now's your chance to make those decisions for yourself! I'm currently looking for contributing writers to help me finish the textbook series, and as craigslist was mostly a bust, I'm turning it over to the brilliant and faithful readers of my blog!

Please respond to me if you're interested, or pass this on to anyone who might be. I'm looking for two or three serious contributors... I hope one of them is YOU!

============================================

I'm an American writer currently authoring a series of English textbooks on commission for a prominent Chinese publishing company. The series is a reader-companion targeted to Chinese middle school students. Each book is composed of ~36 short texts, each text focusing on a predetermined grammar point and/or vocab set and ending with five reading comprehension questions.

The company wants 200-300 texts, of which I've completed about 60 already. I'm looking for a strong writer that can help me turn out the rest; the pay is 8.50 USD per text, with payments coming every 20 articles over PayPal or check. Based on my experience, it should take an average of 1-1.5 hours to write one text once you get familiar with the project.

The challenge is this: create interesting and original texts for middle school children that stay within the confines of the language skills they've already acquired. The publishing company has given me free reign in terms of content (excluding politics, of course) and I'm determined to deliver texts that have some modicum of literary, moral, or civic value. Nothing boring, nothing useless.

This job is ultra-flexible: do it any time, any where, and any amount. Figure a minimum of 8 texts a week, and no maximum; if you're delivering quality texts, you're free to write the rest of the series. I'll be editing for language and an editor at the publishing company will be editing for suitability.

If you're interested, please reply ASAP. I'll ask you to write a sample text, but if the sample is acceptable it can certainly be counted towards pay.

Nice Day (of the Dead)

2008-04-06T16:39:00.001+08:00

One of my best Chinese friends here is V, a tall, sweet, funny girl that works at an English school and lives in the city's outskirts with her mom. We'd gotten really close in January and February, and she hit it off with my beautiful little Chernobyl from the first time they met. V and Chernobe are not only good friends, but also serious study buddies-- they study Chinese and English together 3 hours a day several days a week, with the ferocity and ambition of two beautiful girls determined to prove they are better than everyone else. It's touching, really.

I got the real benefit today, however, when V invited us out to her place in the sticks for lunch-and-study (which for me just meant lunch). I'd been to her place twice before for grub, and knew that when her mom is behind the pot, shit goes down fo' real. But today's lunch was truly extraordinary--- the Dalian special, seafood hotpot. Oh yeah: we're talking clams, mussels, scallops, all manner of shellfish, plus some thin-shaved lamb meat for good measure, boiled up in some seaweed and mushroom soup, an served with a side of 馒头 and fresh tomatoes. As the Australians say: "bang on!"

The day got better; when V and Chernobyl settled down to study their eclectic potpourri of educational material (i.e. bootlegged Friends, 读者, and bad essays and prose I wrote in high school), I bid farewell and took to the mountains out behind her house.

Mountains mountains mountain, I belong forever in the mountains. Today's hike was made extra special by three seemingly coincidental facts:
1) the weather was beautiful, the blossomy warmth of spring
2) the trail I followed happened to lead me through a large mountain cemetery of close to a thousand graves
3) today just happened to be 清明节, the traditional grave-sweeping day in which Chinese families visit their ancestors and deck out their graves with lots of flowers and comestibles.

I guess the grave-visiting must be a morning affair, because when I got to the graveyard it was empty-- except for a brilliant flower-field of red, orange, yellow, and purple bouquets laid out in little bursts across the entire mountain. A stunning visual effect. As I walked closer, I saw all the food people had left for dead epicureans: fried fish and tofu, cakes and fruits of every shape and color, liquor, 露露, some candy here and there. Feasts for kings, laid out among incense and flowers and arranged carefully on the freshly swept tombs of Dalian's forefathers and mothers. (Interestingly, almost all of the gravestones listed small towns in Shandong province as the hometown of the deceased, as opposed to Liaoning province where Dalian is located; most of Dalian's population came over in boats from the Shandong peninsula some hundred years ago, which is why the local dialects of both places share so much in common).

I walked for four hours and got a long bus into town. Chernobe is at a party tonight, and so I am left to update my blog over some delicious Korean sushi-rolls (kimba, or whatever they're called) and head to the coffee shop to goof around on the internet and cast my net for chess players.

Considering the amount of graves I picked my way through, this was as bright and enlivening a day as one could hope for. It's going to be a good weekend!

Peace and feast,
Jon

Visiting Intel

2008-04-04T18:23:00.002+08:00

So anyone who's interested in Dalian or micro-processors already knows that Intel is pouring 2.5 billion dollars (roughly the entire economy of Rwanda) into a big chip manufacturing plant in the Development Zone outside Dalian.

So the Chinese language school I work for provides Mandarin training for many of Intel's foreign employees out there, and yesterday I went with the boss to do a little customer servicing (and this is where I would make a Client # joke had such jokes not been flayed to death like that horse in Raskolnikov's dream).

Anyway, it was pretty interesting. In my imagination, Intel's headquarters would be a gleaming corporate megalopolis of robots and logos, but it turns out that building a 2.5 billion dollar chip fabrication plant requires time-- what I got to see was the giant skeleton of a plant, standing there like the T-Rex in the Natural History Museum in NY. It won't be finished until late 2009, and in the meantime everyone works in these mobile bunker offices that have all the personality of corporate America without any of the luxury or comfort of wealth. Yikes.

So me and my boss interview a half-dozen Intel engineers from all over the world about their experiences studying Mandarin, trying to figure out how we could improve the quality of our service to them. I also got a glimpse of their lives and routines; some of them live in the city and spend an hour commuting to work every day, but most are in this remote complex of villas built way out in the middle of nowhere near the factory, and live in this fake artificial bubble complete with its own American school and hospital.

In the end, we got good feedback and I got a strong reminder to never EVER take a corporate job.

Punch the clock-- it's a three day weekend.

Peace

Beijing!

2008-03-26T17:53:00.002+08:00

So I booked my flight for Beijing today... I'll be there from Apr 13-16, and am looking forward to it far more than I imagined I could possibly look forward to a trip to Beijing. (was that sentence unnecessarily torturous?)

I usually am anxious to avoid the capital-- it's too big, too crowded, too dirty, too expensive. But I haven't been there in almost a year and a half, and I'm expecting big changes. Will I be disappointed?

In any case, I'm getting psyched for my scholarship interview, though I still have to learn a lot of relevant trivia (such as what's new in the Treaty of Lisbon) and learn a bunch of new global affairs vocab in Chinese ( deficit spending? council commissioner?)

I'm also excited about the chance to see my Professor, with whom visiting is always a dumpling- and idle chat-filled delight.

Good News and Pretty Girl

2008-03-20T14:09:00.005+08:00

I just got word from the fine folks over at the European Union that I've been short-listed for a two year scholarship to study Chinese-English conference interpretation. As they say in Chinese: 卜牙!

They'll be flying me out to Beijing next month to do a face-to-face interview, quiz me on a lot of E.U. trivia I know nothing about, and conduct some sight-translation and interpreting-aptitude tests.

I'm very excited and very confident. I've got three weeks to beef up my general understanding of the E.U. and current Sino-European affairs, and I'm ready to show 'em what my Chinese is made of.

Though really, it's more about showing myself......

Anyway, very excited about that, even though the thought of leaving this gorgeous city to live in Beijing or Shanghai for two years is a bummer to say the least. My darling Romanov is less than thrilled, too-- my good news ruined her appetite yesterday as she contemplated the various uncertain possibilities.

Speaking of Chernobyl (who is insisting to no avail that I append "beautiful, little" to the beginning of that title at each reference), she was not happy that I posted a photo of us hiking on my blog. Not for privacy reasons, but rather that she wanted something a little, well, less "hikey."

In the name of appeasement and nuclear maintenance, therefore, I offer up two "approved" photos of the little minx.

The Mountains

2008-03-18T11:05:00.003+08:00

Dalian is blessed to built in the mountains. The picture above was taken after about a fifteen minute hike out my front door. From there, my beautiful little Chernobyl and I spent a fantastic afternoon ambling along the tops of those ridges there out towards the blue sea in the distance.

For me, it was like getting the first fix of the season after a long winter's jones. For Chernobyl , it was like tasting first blood. I'm hoping to get her hooked on hiking for a summer of camping and adventure, which is a long way from her current indulgence of expensive clubs and imported wines.

In any case, we'll walk the trail and see what happens.

spring is a comin'

2008-03-09T18:44:00.002+08:00

I took a jog this afternoon, but after ten minutes of running I found a little path that led into the mountains, and my jog turned into a brief sunset hike. Dalian is a mountain city, like San Fran Sans Trollies, and there ain't nuttin' butter then having a mountain trail ten minutes from your front door. B-U-T-ful.

Yesterday was International Women's Day. Has ANYONE in the States EVER celebrated this? Actually, I have to say it's one of the more sensible communist holidays on the calendar-- rather than celebrate Mothers' Day (to the exclusion of over-worked, under-appreciated, yet-to-spawn women), Russia and China and many other Countries With Marxist Sympathies dedicate March 8 to celebrating the inestimable value of the female gender.

My girlfriend-- while hardly over-worked and by reasonable accounts exceedingly appreciated-- is still in fact a woman; and having grown up in the USSofR and having spent the last five years enticing and subsequently battling off hordes of adoring suitors, she is quite accustomed to receiving many gifts and attentions paid to her as matter of course on March 8th.

We made a lovely holiday of it-- a slow, comfortable morning, an afternoon of coffee shops and chocolate, a gourmet dinner at a very nice Mediterranean restaurant, and candlelight tea back at home with presents.

Now I'm back at home, wondering why there are fireworks outside my window, and getting ready for another busy week. Tomorrow afternoon, my modern art professor friend is taking me to see his Crazy Painter in the Woods friend, who was apparently famous in the 80s before he packed up, disappeared into the forest, and built a house there with his own hands.

Should be interesting-- will update with stories.

So true

2008-03-05T11:16:00.001+08:00

"One could say that Chinese is phonetic in the way that sex is aerobic: technically so, but in practical use not the most salient thing about it."

-Why Chinese Is So Damn Hard

Still Kickin'

2008-03-03T09:35:00.000+08:00

Apologies for being out of touch... a week has evaporated happily with the return of my beloved Katya, who has come back to Dalian to continue studying after back-to-back trips to Russia and Japan, and before a three-week tour of Europe she will embark upon with her mother in May.

Romance aside, I've been busy with other endeavors as well. Writing English texts for middle school students brings in good cash and the occasional opportunity to inculcate millions with my own liberal views on junk food, television, Africa, and the life-long pursuit of knowledge.

I've taken a second part-time job, as well, which I'll be starting tomorrow.
Aushi Chinese is an education company that provides two main services:

-One-on-one Mandarin tutoring for foreigners working here in Dalian. They nabbed corporate accounts to provide Chinese language training for the suits over at Intel and Accenture, which makes up about 70 percent of their clientele.

-A teacher training course that equips native Chinese speakers to become effective Mandarin teachers... they're trying to help develop the field of Teaching Chinese as a Foreign Language.

They've hired me 15 hours a weeks to do marketing for their tutoring business and consulting for their training course. In other words, I advertise their school to foreigners, and try to help them figure out what a good Chinese teacher should look like.

The way I convinced them I was qualified to consult about TCFL was: "I may not be an expert at Chinese, but I'm damn near an expert at studying Chinese, and I have a lot to say about teaching methods and materials."

It's true. Between having studied Chinese at four universities and with over a dozen teachers, as well as having done rigorous self-study and online/distance learning methods, and researching an article on the current state of Mandarin education, I feel I have some experience from which to talk about improving the quality of Chinese teachers in the field, and it's something I care enough about to want to work to make a change.

What I like about this company is that it's young, it's idealistic, and it's keepin' it real.
They see Mandarin education as a science and an industry with a great future and a lousy status quo, and they want to help renovate it. I think it will be cool to be a part of that process.

Anyway, I'm off to bed... I'll be better about writing more as the days pass, but in the meantime allow me to wish all of you love and health and a rapidly warming spring.

Ethics of Fat and Children's Textbooks

2008-02-22T14:02:00.002+08:00

So I'm working half-time as an author of English textbooks for Chinese middle school students. Here's an example of why it can be interesting:

The curriculum calls for a text on "unhealthy" foods. The vocab includes ice cream, cake, candy, Coke, and hamburgers. So I'm planning on writing a comparison between two brothers, one who eats healthy food and one who eats unhealthy foods.

Throughout this project, I'm always trying to find a way to pack a moral into the story. It's not easy because the language I can use is very restricted, but I do my best. And I feel like this text has a big potential, if also some risk.

1) Is it ethical to write the text in a way that shows the healthy-food-eater as good and strong, and the unhealthy-food-eater as fat and weak? I mean, this is definitely a good way to encourage young children to make nutritious eating decisions. But then there's the Judy Blume "Blubber" argument, that wants to treat fat people like humans instead of objects to be ridiculed, which I suppose has merit as well. Or should I cop out and be like "eating all this junk food makes the boy fat, and he can't run or play sports, but he is still a good, smart boy"?

2) In America, I'm pretty sure it would be illegal for a textbook to come out and say "Coke is unhealthy," and there are good reasons for this. But I'm not in America and Coke is unhealthy, and I kind of want to say it.

What do ya'll think?

Politics

2008-02-20T10:28:00.003+08:00

I haven't posted in a while, as I've been busy searching for a new place to live and working on my new job as text-book author. I will write more about these soon.

In the meantime, let's take a brief look at what the youth in America REALLY want... by looking at Facebook.

The Facebook group "One Million Strong for Barak Obama" is slowly approaching the half-way mark with 470,000 supporters.

Much more powerful is the "One Million Strong AGAINST Hillary Clinton" group, which commands an impressive 859,000 members.

These sad characters are all dwarfed, however, by Generation Facebook's clear and undisputed political favorite-- the group "One Million Strong For Stephen Colbert," has 1.3 million supporters.

Make's a fella wonder...

No Country for Old Man

2008-02-15T12:55:00.003+08:00

Want to read several hundred pages of Rupert Murdoch's nose in the ass of the Chinese Government (or, The People's Ass)?
Bruce Dover's new book Rupert's Adventures in China: How Murdoch Lost a Fortune and Found a Wife is, apparently, just that.
This synopsis is worthwhile.
Or get the straight dope from the excerpts.

ps: isn't this post's title downright inspired? somebody compliment me, please.

Changjiang #7

2008-02-15T10:24:00.003+08:00

I just finished watching Changjiang #7, a new popular Steven Chow movie.

A 90 minute story about an alien that touches a child's life. Imagine ET, only at the end of the movie the scientists never show up and Elliot's peasant dad tries to shock a dying ET back to life with a pair of jumper cables and a d-cell.

Classy flick, to be sure.
Some deeper anaylsis at: http://www.barking-at-the-sun.net/articles/?p=9

Will Write Simple for Money

2008-02-14T16:18:00.004+08:00

Guess how I spent Valentine's Day?

At a JOB INTERVIEW!!!

I met today with a director of the Dalian AudioVisual Press, a sub-division of Tiange Media, a major media broker in these parts.

The AV Press is putting together a series of English textbooks for middle school students. Normally, the text of such books is an unholy combination of poorly-written schlep and blatant plagiarism. But Tiange media is a respectable business with high ambitions-- they don't want to plagiarize others' work, they want to make the books that others plagiarize.

So they need to create six semesters' worth of original text that's readable at the 7-9th grade level. That's where I come in. I'm the guy that gets to write this stuff: I will be the nameless and faceless author behind countless lesson texts that faithfully incorporate new vocabulary and exercise the present perfect tense.

Actually, I think I'll be really good at this. I've been doing some tutoring recently, and I generally wind up creating my own dialog-material that suits the student's needs and ability, and it's always a big hit. And if the writing by necessity will be so simple it's stupid, at least I'll have a chance to guide the content that millions of Chinese students will study. Philosophy, science, culture, history-- it's up to me. "Just don't write about Taiwan, okay?" the director said.

The pay's not bad and I can do it all from the coffee shop on my own time. He says there's a ton of work they can offer me, and I can start tomorrow if I provide an acceptable sample. If things go well, they have a lot of projects they'd potentially use me for, including being the voice-narrator for listening-exercise tapes and a bilingual host for a Learn English VCD/DVD series.

Now, to consummate the Valentine's Day experience--- a trip to the gym to "whale on my pecs" before returning home to cook myself a spaghetti dinner and enjoying it in the cold empty silence of my solitude.

(from the above paragraph, approximately tens words would be acceptable for use in my new writing job: now, to, a, the, on, home, it, in, of, my, and cold). sweet.

From the Annals of History

2008-02-14T00:42:00.003+08:00

"Do you want our Chinese women? We can give you ten million."

The recently released minutes of diplomatic talks between Chairman Mao and Henry Kissinger in '73 are absolutely fantastic!

Why is it that so many powerful leaders can be really hilarious and absolute dicks at the exact same time?

Why, Kurt, how.... big of you

2008-02-12T21:41:00.000+08:00

''Of course I fear for my life when the police intelligence service say that some people have concrete plans to kill me. But I have turned fear into anger and resentment.''
-- Kurt Westergaard, on the foiled plot against his life.

It really sounds like he's talking about about a noble quality; like if we could all just learn to turn our fear into resentment, the world would be a much more beautiful place to live.

Montana Dreamin'

2008-02-12T15:00:00.000+08:00

I just finished watching “Legends of the Fall,” a saga of three brothers, their father, and their women, set in ole’ range Montana in the 1910s and 20s.

I definitely missed the point of the movie… I’m pretty sure the major themes were about love and honor and abandonment, but all I was left thinking was:

“Man…….. I need to get out to Montana.

The movie is overpowered by its own beauty. What freedom, what unbridled and hollering freedom there is in the vast open spaces left wild and lonely and pure. What thrilling power rushes over the tops of mountains, carried with the scent of wildflowers on the wind. What spirit hurdles along the currents of a cold and fast-moving creek.

God Almighty, it is downright intoxicating. It’s been so long since I’ve scratched that itch, that primal need to be alone outdoors. I took a day hike back at the beginning of November, and before that it was a ten days jaunt in Xinjiang back in August.

Not nearly enough mountains in my life these days, too much city and too little fresh air.

I forget about it sometimes; most of the time, really. This lust for Big Nature is a part of me that is easy to put down, that folds up in the corner and gets misplaced in the clutter of a full and various life. It’s so easy to forget how exhilarating and essential it feels to stand on top of a hill and sweep my eyes greedily over the horizon, arms and legs stretched out and up to the sky, laughing loud and shaking my head and thanking God over and over and over again.

But when I remember—and this movie made me remember—oh god but that lust is insatiable.

I want to leave right now, this instant, and go somewhere gorgeous and alone. I won’t, but I want to… I yearn for it like chocolate, like sex, like the first five notes of a beautiful and nameless song stuck in my head for months.

The mountains are calling, the mountains are singing my song… sweet siren of god, the mountains are singing my song.

Questions for Ken

2008-02-11T14:59:00.000+08:00

Anyone curious about things ChinesePod-related is encouraged to forward questions to me (in the comments section or via email) before tomorrow afternoon, when I'll be interviewing host/co-founder/director Ken Carroll about the newly inked Online Confucius Institute deal and the future of Mandarin education.

The Highest Praise

2008-02-09T21:13:00.000+08:00

My office is Amici Coffee, a nice little shop in downtown Dalian that serves excellent sweet pomelo tea and inexplicably affordable Italian cuisine. Usually, I get down there around noon and spend five or six hours writing, researching, and nursing a bowl of spaghetti bolognese.

Recently, I've made friends with the store's manager, a friendly woman of 29 who is--under my careful tutelage--becoming a very decent chess player. (The perks of being friends with the manager should not be underestimated; I am treated to complimentary coffee, fresh juice, and even dumplings, sometimes all in one afternoon).

We were chatting as she was closing up today, and she told me about how after quitting her last job she had done some graduate work studying law, and how she almost got certified (though I wasn't clear for what) but failed her final exam by four points and never tried again.

"It left me angry with myself, and I lost hope. I just couldn't take the test again."

I've heard similar stories before, and I'm sympathetic to anyone who struggles hard but fails in a system that so heavily emphasizes success. I told her:

"Well, you'll get your chance one day. Or not. Depends on whether you still really want it. It's okay to give up some of your dreams, you know? Some dreams are important, and other dreams you let go, and it's entirely up to you to decide."

She thought for a minute. "You know, you express yourself really well. You're good at using language to make your meaning clear, and sometimes you use words or phrases that I didn't think you knew. What you said is absolutely true, and thank you for saying it."

I can't describe the feeling of excitement and validation this gives me. When people say these things to me, I honestly feel like I have a calling, like I have a life's work to express myself in ways that help people learn more about themselves and the world around them. Whether it's writing philosophy essays or magazine articles or just chatting with people at coffee shops, the sense of accomplishment and fulfillment I get from these exchanges is truly awesome.

It's not like what I said to her was anything particularly profound, or that I expressed myself in a particularly eloquent manner. I think it's just that this stuff--this consideration of life and ways of living--just doesn't get talked about anymore... it seems these days there's almost a void when it comes to actual examination of life, in both China and America. We're so busy arguing about the sanctity of life or the shortness of life or the origin of life; we're preoccupied with forms, and it's easy to forget what exactly we're doing here.

I want to bring life--or Life, to be dramatic--back into people's consciousness. I want people to be more aware of how the decisions they make and the roads they travel contribute to the genuine quality and richness of their lives. I'll use a pen, I'll use a megaphone, or a I'll use a cup of coffee and a chess set; whatever the medium, spreading this awareness and encouraging these thoughts is a large part of how I want to spend my own life.

Yup, he definitely does have a sense of humor

2008-02-09T12:47:00.000+08:00

Bush declared Mr. Cheney “the best vice president in history.”
-NYTimes

Interpretation

2008-02-07T15:53:00.000+08:00

I'm applying for a scholarship to study Chinese-English interpretation, and they've asked for a broadly-defined "letter of interest," an explanation of why I want/deserve this opportunity.

This is the second draft. I think it's quite strong, but am still worried about it being too dense or prosaic. Any comments would be immensely appreciated.

====================================
Dear Scholarship Selection Committee,

I’ve been in China for almost two years now. I’ve worked here and studied here, traveled and translated, explored and researched and observed. Throughout my time in China, I’ve sought to maximize the points of contact between myself—my language, my culture, my ways of thinking—and the various expressions of this rich and complicated country.

It's an exchange.

In Beijing, an old tai chi master taught me how to breathe slowly and think clearly on freezing cold mornings in March. He spoke only Mandarin. When I didn’t understand, he simply smiled.

In Xi’an, a Chinese friend and I entered a karaoke contest on a whim. When we realized we didn’t like singing other people’s songs, we wrote our own Chinese rap lyrics and performed them to Queen’s “We Will Rock You.” The crowd was in love.

Far in the north, where China meets Russia, I console a heartbroken friend about the girl he lost across the border. I can speak only one phrase of ancient Chinese, a Daoist aphorism: “With loss, there is also gain.” He looks at me skeptically, then laughs. We clink glasses and hug.

A constant and subtle exchange

In my experience, learning Mandarin has come hand-in-hand with learning how to successfully connect with others despite obvious barriers. This, in its most basic sense, is the role of an interpreter: to facilitate the exchange of information between parties that might otherwise be unable to communicate.

But an interpreter is more than just a passive conduit; the root word “interpret” implies a greater analysis, and an active role in helping subtle implications become clearly understood. An interpreter is more than simply a translator, who swaps words and reformats grammar. An interpreter is a steward, charged with that most delicate and crucial task of the modern age: guiding meaning and significance through the complex maze of language, culture, and ideology, and leading it safely and intact to its intended receiver.

I want to be an interpreter because I am passionate about this exchange, because I am enamored of the challenge and vitality of communication. To date, my Chinese language ability has allowed me to connect and exchange information with thousands of people in a culture very different from my own, an achievement I’m exceedingly proud of. I am applying for this scholarship because I believe further study—with a greater focus on interpretation as both a science and an art—will help me expand those exchanges between China and the West, and raise the quality of communication and understanding in an age where both are of increasing importance and demand.

I hope you will find me qualified for the 2008-2009 scholarship program, and am confident that any opportunity given to me will be an investment with enormous returns; not only in the personal development of a young linguist and communicator, but in the future of Sino-European exchange and the smooth transition to a truly global world.

Tricky Tricky Tricks

2008-02-05T16:18:00.000+08:00

In the Chernobyl post a couple days ago, Brendan commented about faking Ruskie for imagined gains in Chinese fluency:

"The Russian accent in Chinese, incidentally, is easy to fake -- take a Russian accent in English, transpose into Chinese -- and is instant yuks at parties. It also helps fool people into thinking that your Chinese is better than it actually is, or at least it always has in my case. Try it!"

After getting to a certain level in my Chinese studies (advanced but non-fluent, roughly HSK9), I pretty much gave up on formal learning. My flaws were too few and too obscure, and I was spending more time looking for problems than actually solving them. So my plan since then has been to just live in China and hope those gaps will fill themselves as I naturally imitate the Chinese I hear/read every day.

Since I've stopped actually studying to make my Chinese better, I've been constantly on the lookout for good ways to fake better Chinese, ala Brendan's suggestion.

One thing I've had success with is imitating commercial voice-overs on CCTV... speaking really slowly and deeply and over-exaggerating the tone differences. Another easy one I've found is to whine your Chinese... say everything like you're complaining and stretch out the last word of every sentence. This works better for girls, as it makes you sound like the "spoiled beautiful girl" on any Chinese soap-opera.

Readers who speak Chinese as a foreign language: how do you trick people into thinking your Chinese is more 牛逼 than it really is?

Book Recommendation (with bonus points for another Ayn Rand barb)

2008-02-03T22:53:00.000+08:00

Who's interested in philosophies about living? Ooh, I am, I am! Pick me!
No... pick Irwin Kula's "Yearnings: Embracing the Sacred Messiness of Life," a mac-daddy bulls-eye of feel-good philosophy with a purpose; a megagaloptic protein shake of wisdom armed with insights from Nobel physicists, Sufi poets, the Torah, and George Carlin.

And who is this Kula fella, now, anyway? Well, homie's a rabbi, see. But he don't talk like no rabbi. The book is truly an Art of Living endeavor (see sidebar), made up of a series of personal essays that conduct a light-hearted and joyful examination of this precious gift, human life.

His main themes are: the beauty (nay, holiness) of disorder and uncertainty; the importance of self-knowledge and self-experience; the constant re-evaluation of life; and the go-with-the-flow groovy Daoist smoothie that--until now-- I thought we could only sip from the tit of Lao Tzu or Pooh.

Is this guy paying you to write such a glowing review (as was suggested in the last post's comments' section)? No. Then honestly, why are you gushing over this book like a clever college sophomore masturbating over Atlas Shrugged?

To be honest, for very much the same reason: because these books justify my entire intellect and simultaneously smack me down and tell me start over. "Yearnings" has basically taught me that all the good things in my life right now (my adventures, my freedom, my thirst for knowledge and exploratory spirit) are all the very finest points of living, and that furthermore the worst things in my life (instability, uncertainty, and a shitty work ethic) are, actually, also pretty awesome.

But at the same time, Kula reminds me that it's never enough. I can't just say "ha! I was right! I'm living life correctly!" and leave it at that. The point is to go deeper, perpetually and joyfully deeper, questioning every assumption and re-examining every conclusion. As per the book's opening line: "When you got an answer, it's time to find better questions."

This isn't skepticism-- it's the endless, ecstatic journey of experience.

Hallelujah-Kula! I'm a believer.

Expert for Sale

2008-02-01T16:24:00.000+08:00

So I ran into a teacher of mine from last semester who has extensive experience with and knowledge of the formal process involved in sending Chinese teachers abroad. He himself was sent as a state-dispatch to teach in France some years ago, and he has contacts in the office in Beijing.

We were chatting friendly-ily* and I was telling him about my article, and when he started talking about his experiences, I said:

"Ah, you really understand this stuff. I should take you out to lunch sometime and we could do a little interview."

And he said: "Or you could just give me money. Haha!"

"Haha!" I said. "So how bout lunch some time?"

"Haha!" he said. "Like, if you make 500 USD writing this article, you could give me 100!"

"Haha!" I said. "One-fifth! You must have something very valuable to tell me!"

"Oh, yes," he said. "I have a lot of information about this."

"But you're a teacher. Your job is to transfer information to your students."

"But you're not my student anymore."

And that's pretty much how we left it.

I mean, is this how journalism works in China, or is this guy just a jerk? I mean, I know it's supposed to be about greasing the wheels, but I thought that meant a decent restaurant and some beer, not a red envelope with cash.

Can anyone shed some light here? Will I run into this problem with every "expert" I try to talk to, or I am just dealing with an opportunistic individual?

*One of those hated -ly adjectives. How do you make "friendly" an adverb?

Ya Nyet Ruskie

2008-02-01T00:40:00.000+08:00

Здравствуйте!

I've just gotten back from Dongning (东宁), a quaint little town on the Chinese-Russian border, where I spent a pleasurable ten days taking hot baths, eating incomparably delicious dumplings, being cold, and loving and fighting with my Ruskie princess.

Interesting place, really. The signs are all in Cyrillic, you can buy real vodka at the corner store, and the locals speak a decent mouthful of Russian. Shopping at the trendy boutiques my girl likes to frequent daily, the Chinese salesclerk would often welcome us in Russian. The below exchange came to be fairly typical:

Clerk: купить много одежды!
Me: 什么? （what?)
Clerk: купить много одежды
Me: 我不懂（I don't understand)
Clerk: (repeats carefully, thinking they had mispronounced something) купить... много... одежды
Me: 我不是俄国人 (I'm not Russian)
Clerk: 要骗我干吗！ ( (You're not fooling nobody, Ruskie)

Even after that, a lot of them simply refused to believe me-- it seemed they thought I was a Russian student pretending I couldn't speak Russian in order to practice my Mandarin, or something silly like that. It wasn't until I'd speak English that they would reluctantly admit I might be American. Apparently, this area gets tens of thousands of Russian visitors every year, and virtually zero Westerners.

For all that, I must say I am becoming more and more fascinated by Russians and Russian culture. When my girl's parents hopped over the border for a night, we had dinner with them and a mix of Russian and Russian-speaking Chinese friends. Though I could only communicate with them via translators, I found Momma and Poppa to be just like their daughter-- intensely thoughtful, caring, competitive, funny, and outrageous.

The key word there is actually "intense." I'm discovering the truth so many have already noted, that Russians are the most intense, passionate, laugh-and-cry, love-and-hate, energy-and-emotion-filled people on earth, a fact I'm learning first-hand as my relationship develops with the girl I've pet-named "my beautiful little Chernobyl."

Dating a Russian is, in some ways, like dating all of Russia. Her country occupies a real space in her heart, and fighting for her affections means making elbow room next to the world's largest land mass. Making an off-handly positive comment about Estonia leads to a massive and emotional argument-- don't even mention Kazakhstan or Ukraine. A discussion about chess ends in clenched fists of victory and eyes teary with pride. Various touch-sensitive words-- Pushkin, rouble, Sputnik, lumber-- will inevitably provoke a dramatic and unpredictable reaction... my fear of mentioning such topics is only barely outmatched by my morbid curiosity and the titillating thrill of danger.

Anyway, I'm back in Dalian now, cold and alone and ready to get back to work on my article on Chinese teachers trying to go to America.
Hope to update regularly!

Happy Thursday

2008-01-17T23:04:00.000+08:00

Man, if this what being a freelance journalist means, I could definitely get used to it.

I woke up this morning early enough to prepare for an interview I'd scheduled with the director of the Asia Society's Chinese Language Initiative. Her organization is involved in advocacy, program support, and public policy, and is a major player in the movement to expand Mandarin education in America.

We spoke for almost an hour over Skype, with my recently purchased digital voice recorder getting the whole interview down in mp3. Isn't the modern world fucking amazing? Technology has gotten to the point where an American man living in China can interview a Chinese woman living in America about Chinese-American teacher exchanges, and the 45-minute international call fits in a 5 MB file and a buck-fifty Skype fee. Incredible.

The interview itself was immensely successful; my questions were intelligent enough, and her responses were well-informed and quotable. After the better part of an hour, I think we both left thinking about things a little differently.

I met a friend for lunch (one of two Chinese women I've met in Dalian who've formerly worked as models... possible next article?) and we went to a very cool roast-it-yourself barbeque meat store. Fifty lamb skewers later, we moved on to a noodle joint for a hot bowl of stretch-noodle soup.

The rest of the afternoon I spent in a coffee shop, sipping pomelo tea, playing chess, and chatting philosophy with a very interesting quad-lingual woman I met last week and have become good coffee-shop buddies with.

I did some shopping and had dinner at a Korean joint, and returned home for a scheduled interview with the head of a successful Mandarin program at a high school in North Carolina. Unfortunately, bad weather conditions in Raleigh meant the teacher was unable to be there; we'll try again soon. Instead, I downloaded a report on the feasibility of having 5% of American students studying Chinese by 2015.

In any case, I'm thrilled that this sort of lifestyle could conceivably be considered work. As far as I've encountered to date, the only requirements of a freelance journalist are:

1) be curious
2) like to learn about new things
3) ask interesting questions
4) meet interesting people
5) write good

Yeah, I could be cut out for this.

Of course, however much fun I might be having, no one's given me any money yet...... I better not jump the gun on proclaiming this "Best Job Ever" till it proves to be more an actual job and not just a guy with a computer and a tenement apartment.

In any case, all this hard work chatting and hanging out with models, I'm ready for a vacation. I leave tomorrow on an 18-hour train ride north to Heilongjiang, where the cold I've been bitching about here in Dalian will seem like the frickin' tropics. It is there that I've arranged a ten-day romantic rendezvous with my darling Russian princess, upon whom I will bestow novelty gifts from America and (if I'm lucky) be treated to a tasty morsel of her borscht.
(I crack myself up. No, seriously, when she asked me if I wanted a souvenir from Russia, I immediately answered borscht. It's so......... cabbagey!)

But now, dear readers, it is late and I am to bed. I've had a hoot writing this entry, and hope it bring smiles to your darling faces. I will try and update from the Black Dragon River, but can make no promises.
Life is good, folks-- I wish you all happiness and adventure and warmth!

President Chuckles

2008-01-15T12:49:00.000+08:00

So I'm researching the efforts being made to improve Mandarin education in America, and one that comes up is the National Security Languages Initiative, a big collaborative government project to pump $114 million dollars into teaching Americans the languages critical to the 21st century.

Below are Pres Bush's opening remarks in his speech introducing the initiative at the State Department. What a fascinating guy. Thing is, he actually seems pretty funny.

"Madam Secretary, thanks for having me. I'm here to let the good folks know here how strongly I support the national security language initiative. I've had a little problem with the language in the past, so -- (laughter.) If you've got room in the initiative for me, let me know. (Laughter.) Condi said, come on by, we've got a bunch of university presidents here. And I said, great, just so long as we don't have to compare transcripts. (Laughter.) She's the Ph.D., I'm the President. (Laughter and applause.)

She's a heck of a Secretary of State, though. And Don Rumsfeld is a heck of a Secretary of the Defense, and I want to thank you both for joining together on this initiative. It's interesting, isn't it, that the State Department and the Defense Department are sponsoring a language initiative. It says something about the world we live in. I felt certain that the Secretary of Education would be here. After all, we're talking about education. And I want to thank you for being here, Margaret. But I also find it's interesting you're sitting next to John Negroponte, who is the Director of National Intelligence."

I find it interesting too, George. It does say something about the world we live in.

But for all the jokes, the shout out to Rumsfeld is a telling overture to the rest of his speech... the same tired, revolting lines about "they want to hurt us" and "we gotta fight 'em over there."

In the end, this has very little to do with my article. But it's still interesting, as is the fact that I was able to access the State Department's website without an anonymizer.

Evergreen

2008-01-13T23:45:00.000+08:00

So the little intro at the top-right of the blog says this is all about "the finer points of living: travel, language, poetry, art, nature, philosophy, adventure, and random observation."

Lately, this blog has been mostly about my uncertainties about my career and the occasional entry about being in love/needing to poop.

To remedy that, here's a refreshing bit of prose I just finished... I think it fills all the above-mentioned criteria, and I hope you will find it as enjoyable to read as I did to write.

Titled "Evergreen," a 1000-word memory of the mountains.

A moment I will never forget is this: hiking the side of a mountain in Shanxi, and admiring the swaying of the pines.

We were given a four-day weekend off from class—to celebrate one or another silly Communist holiday—and I was determined to make the most of it. There are five mountains in China that are held holy by the Daoists, and I had already climbed four. The fifth—by far the least known and least impressive—was a lonely, windy bit of rock situated in northeast Shanxi, about thirty kilometers from Datong, whose reputation today has less to do with Daoism and more to do with coal.

I arrived at the mountain with that sad, loving feeling that I associate so strongly with hiking in November; it is the helpless admiration of the colors of the trees, the appreciation of morning frost, that nameless excitement of brisk motion through chilly air. It is the pure joy of hiking in the wild, tempered by the knowledge that this is the last hike of the year; the last, most magnificent display of a sunset before frozen night falls stifling across the sky.

I started climbing early, when it was still cold. I was wearing jeans, a long-sleeve tee, a sweatshirt, and gloves; in my backpack I had a windbreaker, water, and snacks. I had left my tent and sleeping bag at home, as I expected it to be too cold to camp.

I was hiking the eastern face of the mountain, and the morning sun was on my back. The landscape was swathed in gray and gold, rock and yellow grass. The mountain wore pine trees like a beard, a five o’clock shadow of green.

Temples dotted the hills, broken wood huts housing statues and yin-yangs. At the foot of the mountain there was a monastery, with monks. They droned, and it sounded like the mountains were murmuring.

I fell in hiking with an Irishman about my age. His name was Gabriel, a carpenter by trade, backpacking in China on vacation. He was quiet and friendly and shared with me the bread and jam he had packed as lunch, and the sweetness of jarred raspberries was the stuff of friendship.
We walked for hours side by side and said little.

By mid-afternoon we had reached the final ascent to the summit. This was a long sloping trail, neither steep nor rocky, that emerged from the stubbly trees and led along the bald forehead of the mountain up to the top of its shiny stone skull. Here, the wind was gusty and strong.

“Are you cold?” I asked Gabriel, intending to offer him my windbreaker.

“Not really,” he said.

We continued walking.

At the summit we clicked pictures and took in the landscape that the mountain reveals only to those that ascend it. Behind us, the long trail we had climbed sloped and drifted back towards the ground. To the south, a cliff overlooking a vast space, with a small city bustling to itself in the valley below, ignorant of the mountain above it. To the west, the trail we had been walking continued on towards a chain of smaller peaks, tracing a ridge path into the distance, just mountains and mountains, endless and beckoning mountains.

I wanted to continue.

“It will get dark soon,” Gabriel said, reasonably.

“I know. I wish I had brought my camping gear. I might try sleeping out anyway if I can find some brush to light a fire.”

He gave me a silent, skeptical look, and was kind enough to not tell me how stupid an idea it was. After sunset, the temperature would drop well below freezing.

We walked on for a while before parting ways; Gabriel turned back and headed down the way we came, I continued on along the ridge trail. It was a concise and warm-felt farewell.

As I followed the ridge west, I looked out over the horizon and considered my options. I was torn between a sensible urge to descend before nightfall and a near-spiritual desire to stay on the mountaintop and watch the sun set over the empty rolling hills.

I walked along the path, eating sunflower seeds and spitting the shells into the wind.

Oh, what an ode to late afternoons in autumn, those perfect four-thirties of fall. In this world of rainbows and diamonds and exotic and tropical fish, what could be more striking than the late-afternoon light of November slanting golden upon already yellowing grass?

If you love something, let it go. The trail forked, and I turned left and followed a small dirt path down the south face of the mountain. The trail here was well-forested; pines, my favorite, the wisest and most solemn of trees. Taking a rest for a moment, I leaned against a stone both mossy and cold, and tilted my head back to gaze at the tops of the trees; they weaved a flexible rhythm in the wind.

Rising to examine the mystery of these great trees, I ran my hand over the gray-brown bark, the spiraling cones, the sap that leaves one’s fingers sticky for days. Look at a pine needle closely enough and you can find such peace, such an eternal and deep-rooted comfort. Hold still and watch a pine tree sway, and the world is reduced to a hum.

Serenity pure and silence divine, manifest in evergreens and the wind.

When I got to the foot of the mountain, the shadows were stretching long and the air had turned from chilly to cold. With the sky a faded purple and the sun setting a bright orange coin behind my back, I put on my jacket, brought the zipper to the top, and began the long twilight walk to the city ahead.

AHHHH!!!

2008-01-12T11:30:00.000+08:00

Stephen King never wrote nothing like this--- an article in The Atlantic explains how China's U.S.-cash holdings have the potential to plunge the entire world into the economic equivalent of a nuclear holocaust.

BUT GODDAMN THAT'S SOME SCARY SHIT!!!

As some one with a deep ignorance and mistrust of science in all its forms-- from physics to medicine to math-- this kind of story strikes a shadowy, unknowable fear into my heart.

Financial doomsday, man........... I'ma start buying bottled water NOW.

Another Pitch

2008-01-11T17:27:00.000+08:00

This is for all you teachers out there that have shaped my life-- God bless ya'll.

Feedback encouraged. DEMANDED!

I love you guys.

==========================

Across America, the demand for Chinese language teachers is on the rise. In China, a generation of qualified Mandarin teachers dreams of going abroad. The supply of and demand for quality Mandarin education are both at record levels—so why are so few teachers making the move?

This article will examine the challenges faced by schools in hiring Chinese language teachers amid a “Mandarin craze” driven by China’s growth, and document the obstacles faced by those Chinese teachers seeking to work abroad. How these challenges are affecting the progress of Mandarin education in America—and how these challenges can be overcome—will also be explored.

The article will include interviews with American school administrators and Mandarin teachers on both sides of the Pacific, recent statistics relevant to Mandarin education in America, and information about the Chinese Language Council International— the Chinese government office responsible for dispatching Mandarin teachers abroad. I expect the finished article would run 1,000-1,400 words long, and could be accompanied by photographs if needed.

As a journalist based in China—and with numerous contacts at Chinese studies departments both here and in the States—I believe I’m uniquely qualified to report on issues of intercontinental Mandarin education. With experience writing for newspapers and online publications—both domestic and international—I am confident I can produce the interesting, informative, and engaging content your readers expect.

Pitchin'

2008-01-10T15:21:00.000+08:00

So the past couple days I've been writing up query letters that I'm planning to send to US publications; I want to propose China-related article ideas to magazines, newspapers, journals, and new-media, in the hopes that they'll accept them on spec and eventually buy them as completed pieces.

I'll be posting the queries here on the blog, in the hopes that readers will comment with constructive feedback and/or suggestions about where to direct these queries (i.e., if you know of a magazine that would be really interested in this kind of story).

Below is the pitch for an article I've been working on with a Chinese friend of mine, that I'm hoping would be of broad appeal. I'd target general interest mags (Newsweek-knockoffs) and major online pubs such as Slate.

Watcha' think?

====================================
"Going to Market: Faces of China’s New Economy"

Zhao Jun sells bootlegged DVDs on the street for 65 cents.
Wang Chen runs a boutique fashion store that specializes in leather handbags.
Niu Bi founded a company that manufactures ball bearings for export to Romania.

China’s astounding growth of the past two decades is rooted in its smooth transition to a market economy—the ditching of government quotas and the throwing of a nationwide do-it-yourself get-rich extravaganza.

But behind the jaw-dropping statistics, the trade surplus and the WTO, China’s economy still relies on real individuals doing business at real marketplaces.

Fellow journalist M** Y** and I have taken to the streets to better understand the everyday people that are driving the world’s fastest-growing economy. From butchers at the morning market to businessmen doing major-money deals, we want to know how the shift to private enterprise has affected the lives of individuals—as well as hear their hopes, concerns, and expectations about the road ahead.

“Going to Market” will encompass profiles of several independent entrepreneurs that have staked their claim in China’s new marketplace. Relevant statistics and analysis will be provided via interviews with economics experts both in China and abroad. The completed piece will run roughly 1,500 words in length and can be accompanied by photographs if needed.

M** Y** is an interviewer and reporter and a native of northeast China. I myself am a freelance writer—living in China and fluent in Mandarin—with experience writing for both in-print and online publications both here and in the States.

100th Blog Post -- New Beginnings, Snow

2008-01-09T08:31:00.000+08:00

It’s 7:35 am, and my window is static with snow.

Is it the whim of the gods or the cross-breeze sweeping off the sea that sends snowflakes running errands back and forth through the air, falling up as much as down, blowing left and shuddering right, hanging peacefully in mid-air for a moment before charging away again, a constant ballet of motion?

I am awake and lying in bed, looking at the snow out the window and the fish on my sill, listening to a vague scraping sound from outside, thinking of breakfast.

I am back in Dalian, back in China, ready to begin anew. Snow covers everything like a blanket, today is a fresh footprint in a perfect, silent landscape.

The plan, the plan, what is the plan? I’m beginning to suspect that one’s post-college existence is a constant devising of plans, a never-ending revision, a concentrated hatching of schemes.

My scheme is this: I have three months left on my apartment and my visa. I’m going to use this time to actively pursue freelance journalism, researching and writing articles for Western trade journals, magazines, anything that is hungry for content. The key word there is active; with no classes and no job and no one to tell me what to do, I’m left entirely to my own motivation and focus… if I want to be productive, I’m going to have to put my head down and Get Shit Done. My goal is to sell one article a month, which would hopefully be enough to break even (financially) and give me the confidence to continue into the spring if I’m enjoying it.

When my visa rolls around, I’ll look at where I stand and either decide to continue (and probably just arrange a tourist visa to return here) or RE-plan the plan.

In the meantime, I have 90 days that need to be filled, and I’m going to start by filling them with query letters and preliminary research for articles.

Any comments or suggestions on the plan (or article ideas) would be very very welcome, as always.

Speaking of Love

2007-12-18T19:41:00.000+08:00

I've been largely out of touch this week, lost in the amorous daze of what the Chinese call 谈恋爱, or "talking love". I like this turn of phrase better than any English equivalent, because it brings to mind many aspects of the early stages of romance: the way lovers talk dreamily to each other about nothing, serious discussions about the nature of the relationship, exciting conversations learning more and more about one another. There is definitely a lot of talking involved in love: it is a study in communication, negotiation, expression, exchange.

Of course, you don't want your relationship to be all talk, naturally, but the Chinese don't like to mention that...

In any case, it's been a very very happy week. It hasn't been productive (it's hard to get shit done when you're walking on a cloud for most of the day) but it's been really great. I'm preparing now to return home for two weeks to spend Christmas and New Years with the fam, after which I'll return to Dalian (my lover will be gone by then, to return in March) and renew with vim and vigor my quests in the more ethereal realms of work and study.

Go!

Numbers Don't Lie

2007-12-12T11:00:00.001+08:00

Google Analytics-- which helps webmasters track statistics about their sites-- yields highly interesting results.

I usually check in once in awhile to see just how much my beautiful readers love this blog (about 20-50 hits a day), but recently I've been looking at some of the other more interesting features.

For example, Analytics tells me that 10% of visits to my blog come from Google searches, and is kind enough to list the 93 different keywords that people have entered to find my blog.

Some highlights:

chinese language booya
the art of threesome
staff artist job nyc
summin' summin'
playgrounds of the future
living life as an observational adventurer
kompan supernova
fantawild hitech family funplex

My conclusion, dear readers, is that ya'll are some diverse, threesome-lovin' crazy cats out there.

Keep it rockin', keep readin',

Love and Other Sicknesses

2007-12-11T21:32:00.000+08:00

As of this morning I am officially considering myself ill (stomach ache), which is a nice break from the norm of healthiness. Variety is the spice of life, you know.

No, I don't like talking this way either; health truly is a gift, a splendid, beautiful gift that is not to be taken for granted. I am very very grateful for-- aside from today-- enjoying robust and virile health, and I hope I continue to enjoy it for decades and decades and decades.

A second, unrelated, and highly unofficial diagnosis is that I am love sick, which would explain why I haven't done any writing, reading, studying, exploring, or rational thinking lately. The object of my affections is, by all appearances, equally enamored of me, and so the last week has passed in a fuzzy cuddle blur of hour-long kisses and night-walks and chocolate and perfect moments of peace.

It is doing incredible things for my spirits and disastrous things to my studies, but after a semester of low-spirits I feel entitled to indulge myself.

Tonight, however, there will be no cuddling with lover in arms, only long stretches
squatting over the toilet drinking Sprite and trying to poop out whatever vile invader hath wrought such discomfort 'pon mine defenseless tummy.

Poop and cuddling, these are the things most occupying my mind tonight. If you have any comments about poop or cuddling, or would like to offer good wishes in my pursuit of either/both, please feel free to comment via the link below.

The Fifth Night of Hanukah

2007-12-09T11:37:00.000+08:00

There's an Israeli student here at my school (the first Israeli I've ever met that studies Chinese) and we've been "hey how you doin" hallway-buddies for a couple weeks.

A couple days ago, he gave me a call and invited me to join him in the suburbs Saturday night to celebrate Hanukah with a Jewish family that was reaching out to Dalian's (minuscule) Jewish expat population. I agreed to go, mostly because I know that my celebrating Hanukah in China will make my Granma really happy.

So we took a train out to the burbs and a cab out to a restaurant where this Israeli couple was hosting Hanukah, and I found there once more this wonderful and puzzling connection that is Judaism.

Here we have 15+ people, from all over the world, different ages and countries and backgrounds and languages, all brought together by a shared tradition, all congregated in a seafood restaurant in Manchuria to light candles, sing songs, give gifts, laugh, and eat.

Here I was-- a total stranger-- welcomed into this community immediately and unquestioningly as if they had known me for years. It was the closest thing to family I've felt in a long time.

I Must Have Been Crazy

2007-12-02T19:23:00.001+08:00

Looking back at my blog entries from the past month or so, I'm shocked and astounded.

If it wasn't for the stunning wit and clarity of the writing style, I never would have imagined
the author was actually me. Letting myself get pissed off by bureaucratic B.S.? Getting frustrated over not having a job? Being dissatisfied with free time and a complete lack of responsibility?

What the hell was I thinking?

What it took was a good, frank talk with a good, frank friend to smack me out of it. This friend helped me realize several really important things:

1) My Chinese, while excellent for a white kid, is still far-cry from perfect, and actually studying-- with books-- can still help it improve.

2) Making a real life and real friends in a foreign country takes time; as long as I'm meeting new people, developing new relationships, and learning new things, I am in no way wasting time or being unproductive.

3) I don't NEED money. I want money to fulfill a manly sense of independence and indulge myself in various luxuries, but those are pretty crappy reasons to chain yourself down to a job 9-5.

Ever since we had this talk-- around last Wednesday-- I've felt a huge pressure removed. Thing is, these points are all totally the kind of thing I've trained myself to be sensitive to (I'm kind of incredulous that I didn't figure it out myself), but sometimes you really just need to hear someone else say it to make it real, to make it valid.

So what's the new new plan? For one thing, be more happy. Lighten up a little bit. These past couple days I've pursued creative projects, wrote letters to friends and loved ones, exercised, met new people, flirted, shivered in the cold, read, had good conversation, thought idle thoughts, and dreamt sweet dreams. Pretty good life, huh? Why rush to kill it?

More specifically, the new new plan looks like this: chill out, study for a month. It's been a dumb semester at a dumb school, but just like Prez Bush, I want to sprint to the finish line. Improve my accent. Get a finer understanding of how certain words work. Increase my reading speed. Purify my Chinese.

I'm going home for Christmas, and I'm going to see if I can extend my ticket to stay an extra week into January. Spend more time with my family, make a movie with my brother, visit old friends in the city.

When I get back here after New Years, I'll still have three months on my visa to figure out what I want. I can continue looking for jobs, I can take a teaching gig to make money and get a new visa, I can keep trying to do freelance stuff. Or I could find a (better) school and continue studying. Shit, I could start studying another foreign language here... everything I learn would be explained in Mandarin, so it would kind of be a two-for-one kind of thing.

Anyway, we're talking about a positive change in attitude and a lot chillier approach to things. It's just like the ancient Chinese saying: anxious hearts can't eat hot tofu. So true, so true.

And this blog, hopefully, will see more writing about happy living and less about stressful dissatisfaction. I know many readers are interested in the job-search aspect of things, and I'll continue to post about whatever opportunities I encounter... but no more agonizing over such petty things as working for my livelihood.

Let us once more commence that most wonderful celebration, that most precious enjoyment of life.

Morning Market

2007-12-01T11:52:00.000+08:00

A Chinese friend and I are working on a project to explore what the concept of "individual enterprise" means to the actual individuals involved.

The idea is: with all the talk about how market economy is the force behind China's rise, what's going on on the ground at Chinese markets? We're conducting interviews with two groups: older 老百姓 that now run the markets the government used to run (selling rice, meat, small consumer goods) and younger, more progressive "small business owners" that have opened markets that were unavailable before opening and reform (fashion/apparel, imported goods, high-tech stuff). At the moment we're not looking at the suppliers (farmers or tech-firms), just the distributors, the men and women that are out in the marketplace every day selling stuff to make a living.

Yesterday, I woke up at 5:15 am and took the earliest, coldest bus ride I've taken in my life to meet my friend at a morning market. However cold and tired I was, my discomfort was quickly put into perspective; the stall-owners here get up at 4:30 and bicycle to work in the freezing cold, and whereas I came to walk around, make chit-chat and ask questions, they have hundreds of pounds of raw meat that need butchering, or two thousands newspaper-sections that need to be assembled before sale.

The interviewing was only mildly successful at best... most of the people we approached were either to busy or too suspicious of two guys walking around with cameras asking questions.

But we made contact, at least, and will go back in future sessions to hopefully get more in-depth talks going. One young butcher (about my age) said he'd be willing to meet us after the market closed someday and talk, and a lady that sells sweatpants was pretty open to the idea of being interviewed.

On the other front, I'm using my role as MC at the giant shopping plaza to make good connections with small shop owners, and hopefully will be lining up some interviews there next week.

Yay for cool projects!

Hot Off The Cyber Presses

2007-11-29T19:27:00.000+08:00

Thanks for all the feedback, everybody! The Finance and Family Values article was published at http://www.danwei.org/business_and_finance/finance_and_family_values.php

In the last couple of days I've been re-considering my position here, and thinking a change in attitude might be more appropriate than a change in circumstances.

How Zen of me.

I'll keep ya'll up to date.

Real Progress (and Huge Muscles)

2007-11-25T22:40:00.000+08:00

Wo, but so is the cruel chill of winter that hath, with its raging bitter winds, flung me like leaf from tree away from the pines and earth that I love so dear and into that black plastic chrome...

While I have yet to find a job, freelance translation or writing opportunity, suitable living space, confidantes, lovers, or friends my age, I have at least accomplished something here in Dalian: I've joined a health club.

Yes, I, Jonathan Rechtman, passionate adventurer of the mountains and deserts, hiker of all terrains foreign and empty, lover of long runs by the seaside and lonely walks in the woods, am now a gym rat, a corporate exerciser, a tread-mill step-class Alpine weight junkie.

Oh, but it's perfect. For one thing, it's a great way to pass time. A lazy Sunday isn't so lazy when you spend 5 hours at the gym. I ran, I took an aerobic-boxing class, I played some indoor-basketball, I rested, I ran, I took a tae-kwon-do class, a shower, a sauna. Not a bad way to spend an afternoon.

My decision to join was also based on the calculation that hanging around a gym is a good way to meet young, active people with ample amounts of leisure time and money (like myself). I mean, a gym is also a great place to meet meatheads and bulemics, but I trust my ability to sort out the riff from the raff.*

I figure, I can spend the next month going to classes in the morning, pursuing jobs/freelance gigs in the afternoon, and taking silly gym-classes at night. I'm totally psyched about Body Pump on Wednesdays. If anything, it's a healthier place to hang out than the coffee shops, and the money I save by not buying hot chocolate at Starbucks everyday will make up about half of my 4-month gym membership fee.

Also, the gym is warmer than my apartment. That counts for a lot.

Now then, to bed with me. I wish all my readers happiness and great abs.
Goodnight.

*I realize that's a total misuse of the riff-raff combo, but it sounds good. Give me the riff, keep the raff.

The New Plan

2007-11-22T13:51:00.000+08:00

I'm a firm believer that one of the greatest requirements for success is flexibility; being able to adapt your tactics to the reality of the situation. In Chinese, 随机应变.

So as I've been hitting walls with the job search to date, I'm thinking about switching up my tactics. I've received two prompts from two very reasonable people suggesting I try my hand at freelance writing, which--in my mind--is a really cool and really hard business to break into.

But while I'm somewhat skeptical as to its chances of success, I can't think of more ideal circumstances under which to give it a try. I'm young, I'm mobile, I have no dependents, I'm financially secure and living in a low-cost environment, and I have lots of time, talent, and spirit to spend on trying something new.

So the new plan is to write some easy articles about contemporary Chinese culture, politics, economics--pretty much formal expansions of the kind of thing I post on this blog--and send them to low-level newspapers, magazines, and online publications based in the States. After I've built a small portfolio of published work, I'll approach a real venue with an inquiry about doing an in-depth reporting project.

In the meantime, I can continue looking for real (office) jobs here in Dalian. If I get totally sick of the tenement and need a job to support a nice apartment, I can always suck it up and teach English.

Here are some ideas for freelance articles I'm interested in researching/writing. If you have any suggestions or comments, I would LOVE to hear them.

-Chinese Language Schools: since China's over opening twenty years ago,
thousands of Chinese langauge schools have cropped up as easy cash-makers around the country. But even as the popularity of Mandarin studies increases, so do new, high-tech language-learning methods. How are tahe Chinese language schools and the traditional classroom method reacting to the challenges of Web 2.0 and other new forms of
foreign language education?

-Modern Art in a Modern City: Dalian is definitely a modern, progressive city by Chinese standards, but whereas it has a gigantic international expo center and flourishing hi-tech sector, it is not known for its arts scene. One artist here has been working to open Dalian's first modern art gallery; but what challenges does he face, and what road must he travel in order to succeed?

-What "Market Economy" Means to the Average Chinese: When we hear about China's economic success over the past decades, we often frame it in terms of the move from a state-run planned economy to a market economy based on individual enterprise. But who are these individuals, and how do they view this shift? To understand the new market economy, me and a Chinese writer-friend are going straight to the markets: interviewing old peddlers vending cheap goods on the street and talking to young entrepreneurs selling imported brands (and knock-offs) at one of Dalian's up-scale shopping plazas.

-Hollywood Goes Mandarin: A day or two after I posted about how all the hunks in Ocean's 13 suddenly understand Chinese, I watched "War" and discovered Jason Stratham also understands Mandarin. Chris Tucker in Rush Hour 3, too. When-- and why-- did learning Chinese become a symbol of Hollywood macho, especially among cops and robbers? Could this be a direct result of China's increasing soft-power? Has China's economic and cultural rise infected even the hottest elite of Hollywood action stars?

Are these articles interesting? If you saw them in a magazine, would you read them? What particular angle interests you, and what kind of publication do you think would be the most suitable venue?

Thanks for any suggestions!

The Crux of the Problem

2007-11-19T16:36:00.000+08:00

Recently, I've been sending out resumes to the Beijing bureau chiefs of major US newspapers, hoping to hit the right person at the right time and land an entry-level job copy-editing, clerking, assisting with reporting, ANYTHING to get my foot in the door.

This afternoon I received a response from such a bureau chief, with what I think is a very frank and accurate take on the situation.

Jonathan,

Thank you for your note and for your interest. I've had a few inquiries recently from people in your position. Unfortunately we don't have much to offer. We basically have two types of positions, foreign correspondents hired generally after many years of working their way up the ladder in [major US city], and local hires who have the advantage of being Chinese. That includes not only knowing the language, but at least as important, knowing how things work.

As far as advice, I see two routes. You can either apply at the Reuters, Bloomberg or AP or Dow Jones, which is a good way to do a lot of stories quickly, although it will likely be pretty heavily focused on business. Or start a freelance business and hope to eventually get enough articles and enough of a reputation that you can either get a credential from an organization or have a thriving business going.

Unfortunately, given the way the U.S. newspaper business is going, a lot of the mid-size papers, such as the Boston Globe, Newsday, Baltimore Sun and the like have closed shop.

Thanks again for your interest and best of luck in your search.

That pretty much sums it up, huh? What he writes makes perfect sense, and would explain why I'm having so much trouble breaking in.

I'm starting to realize that however good my Chinese is, however smart I am and however good a writer I have the potential to be, if I want to be a journalist, I still have to pay my dues like everyone else.

I think all along I kind of hoped I could just jump on board, and it turns out it's not that easy.

The Man

2007-11-18T19:16:00.000+08:00

I have a new hero:
Jaime Florcruz, a Filipino political exile in China who rose up to become the Beijing bureau chief for Time Magazine and then CNN International.

But as cool as his story is, and as much as I admire his credentials in journalism, I am most affected by this bit of wisdom he offered at the end of a high school commencement address:

"If I may offer some unsolicited advice, it will be more along the lines of how you deal with successes and failures. Life, after all, is a series of challenges and problem-solving, punctuated by happy, heady days.
Here are some cautionary advice, a few of which I stole from my father and mother:

One: Keep a healthy dose of your ego but be ready to cut it down. Have empathy with one another and take more satisfaction in serving others: the community, the society, the Earth.

Two: Make new friends every step of your lives, while seeking long-standing intimate relationships. Show your appreciation for all the good things in life. Write poems about your parents and teachers. They made who you are.

Three: Take control of your lives now and never let go. Twenty three years ago, I decided to quit smoking, cold turkey. Since then, I have never smoked another stick. That's one of the proudest things I've ever done.

Four: Learn to cope with negative stuff. Learn to sublimate, rechannel, diffuse and disperse anger, envy, aggression and revenge. Don't stew in them. Move on.

And five: Learn to roll with the punches. Remember: the brittle breaks, the supple thrives. The resilient ones -- those who can laugh at themselves and at their failings -- they bend and bounce back, firmer and stronger. I know you can be like them, too.

This is Jaime FlorCruz, CNN Beijing"

You know that feeling when you read someone else express everything you think and feel, only they express is so much more simply and elegantly than you ever seem able to do yourself?

Yeah...

It is a bit Self-Help for Dummies, but still, these are the kind of sensible, positive life lessons that I'm all about hearing, speaking, writing, and reading. Rock on, Jaime, rock on.

And give me a job.

More Bitching About How Cold It Is

2007-11-18T17:51:00.000+08:00

I did laundry this morning and hung my clothes out to dry on the balcony, like you're supposed to.

An hour later I stepped outside to get lunch, and discovered my clothes had all frozen solid. My T-Shirts were grotesque modern sculptures and my socks had icicles dripping from them. I call them sockcicles.

A Good Day

2007-11-17T19:31:00.000+08:00

This morning I woke up with a strange, unfamiliar feeling affecting my entire body: warmth. Actually, it would be more appropriate to call it "not-freezing". They finally turned on the heat in my apartment, which has upgraded my living situation from "torturously frigid" to "barely livable." It's a cause for celebration, but still, the moment I get a job I'm moving to a real apartment. Obviously, my enthusiasm for the authenticity of Chinese tenements has caught hypothermia and died.

This afternoon I went out with my classmates to a gigantic shmorgasmboard (like a shmorgasboard that causes orgasms) of Japanese and Korean food. Word up to all-you-can-eat sushi, barbeque, stir-fry, and fresh vegetables.

Then I took a couple classmates to my favorite tea house where we spent an enjoyable hour or two playing cards over lemon tea and pumpkin bread. I love games, and I'm so damn good at them... eight rounds of some wacky Korean Crazy-8's type game, and I didn't lose once.

At five o'clock I swapped coffee shops and landed at a Starbucks downtown, where I was scheduled to meet with an Englishman who runs the Dalian office Dezan Shira, a boutique consulting firm that apparently gets a good chunk of the market helping foreign companies invest and establish bases in China.

The guy I met with was smart, interesting, and friendly, we talked for a good hour and a half, and I obviously left a good impression. He's not in charge of hiring people, but he's going to contact his boss about finding me a position researching and writing for the company's blog and magazine, China Briefing. Certainly no promises, but it would definitely be a very cool job, and would allow me flexibility and room for development.

While I was waiting for him, I bumped into one of the recruiters I'd met at the job fair last week, a young Swedish man working for a software-park development company. He told me my resume had been processed by HR and I should expect to hear from them soon about an interview.

Now it's coming up on 8 pm, and I'm getting ready to head back to campus to meet some friends for a late night dinner at the Roast Meat Store (is there a more graceful way to translate 烤肉店?)

Spirits are high----- ONWARD, Christian Soldiers! To Victory!!!

Ocean's 十三

2007-11-16T19:34:00.001+08:00

So I was watching Ocean's 13 last night-- a thoroughly mediocre heist flick-- and couldn't help but notice that all the characters suddenly knew Chinese.

One of the gang, of course, is a thieving Chinese midget, so hearing him chime in with the occasional 没有办法 or 好久不见 seemed reasonable enough. But it was strange that everyone else in the gang (except Bernie Mac, for some reason) seemed to understand what he was saying; not just the short phrases, but clever jokes and technical explanations, too. The Chinese character speaks in rapid-fire Mandarin, and everyone else in the apparently bi-lingual gang reacts accordingly.

Watching George Clooney and Matt Damon pretend to understand Chinese somehow offends me. I spend years studying this language, and those handsome bastards just kind of "get it."

别装逼，布拉德皮特。。。

But the cast of Ocean's 13 does represent the hottest, sexiest machismo of American pop-culture, and it's interesting that Hollywood now considers speaking Mandarin to be a requiem for skunk-hunks movie stars.

AND ANOTHER THING: Matt Damon, acting as an arrogant translator for a Chinese real-estate mogul, scores a one-liner with "We own all the airspace south of Beijing: try building anything above three-stories in the Tianjin province and see if our name comes up in your database."

Of all the provinces south of Beijing, they had to pick the one that's not actually a province... Tianjin is a city and federal municipality. Didn't ANYONE on the set (like, the Chinese guy) think to correct this?

The Macroeconomics of Happiness

2007-11-12T16:51:00.000+08:00

The New York Times has a somewhat interesting article on a very interesting subject: how to promote Happiness via public policy.

If you're interested in Happiness, my thesis is a much better read.

Fiction and Poetry Links

2007-11-12T12:35:00.000+08:00

Sino-media blog RConversation led me to an excellent work of dystopian short fiction, kind of like Google meets the Matrix. Mom will freak out when she reads this one.

And here's a dainty little piece by modern albeit dead poet Gu Cheng. Translation from Chinese-lit blog Paper Republic.

Truisms

The vase says: I’m worth a thousand hammers.
The hammer says: I’ve smashed a hundred vases.

The artisan says: I’ve made a thousand hammers.
The master says: I’ve killed a hundred artisans.
The hammer says: I’ve bludgeoned one master to death.
The vase says: I now contain that master’s ashes.

Job Fair

2007-11-11T20:17:00.000+08:00

I went with a friend today to a post-grad job fair at the Dalian Expo Center.

Of course, in a country with hundreds of millions of college grads, it was something of a zoo.
Several hundred booths, mostly from Chinese trade companies, Japanese and Korean tech firms, and the occasional global software giant (HP, Dell, and IBM were all reppin' amid throngs of horny computer geeks).

I only approached a couple companies, but they were all interesting and all interested in me. The most fascinating by far was a Chinese shipping company that wants an English interpretor to travel with them on long distance haul routes to Africa. Wouldn't that be fly: bunked in the belly of a giant freight rig lugging steel to Chad translating bulk-weight contracts? Wait, no, that would suck. But would definitely be an interesting experience.

Other (more reasonable) opportunities include a company that helps Chinese students find study abroad opportunities, a software park marketing firm, and Herbalife natural nutrition products (their regional manager seemed quite infatuated with me).

As always, we'll just have to wait and see what happens.

Crackin' the TOEFL

2007-11-08T22:44:00.000+08:00

I had dinner tonight with a really interesting student/entrepreneur who lives in Dalian and goes to school in a small town in Canada, where as a freshman he started his own successful logistics company.

He was telling me about the outrageous techniques the Chinese employ to "crack" the IELTS test, which he took last weekend.

The International English Language Testing System is what you have to pass in order to study abroad in Australia, Europe, Canada, and other English-speaking countries (the US uses the TOEFL, but American universities are increasinly accepting equivalent IELTS scores).

Understandably, this is a big deal for smart, rich Chinese kids who dream of studying in the West. So a whole science has developed around the IELTS, much like the Kaplan tricks for SATs or GREs, but like a lot of Chinese "science," it's really a potent mixture of folklore and good common sense.

For example, according to the Chinese method:

If it's a true or false question, and the question includes the word "most," the correct answer is "false."

On the listening section, if a man and a woman are engaged in a dialogue, what the woman says is always the correct answer, and what the man says is always the trick answer.

If there's a question about the number of people in an organization, the answer will never exceed 18.

If a question asks about an amount of money, the answer will never exceed four digits.

If among the answer choices there are three similar numbers (for example 150, 250, 350) and one outstanding number (5000), the correct answer will always be the middle of the three (in this case 250).

If it's a true or false question, and the question includes the word "urban," the correct answer is always "false."

My friend swore that these rules were totally 100% reliable; that IELTS operates according to a series of algorithms and clever Chinese minds had cracked them to produce these foolproof rules.

"But this doesn't make any sense." I said. "Wouldn't IELTS learn to change the patterns?"

He shrugged. "Change them however you want. We [Chinese people] will figure it out eventually anyway."

I keep thinking, either he's right and the test is totally unequipped to deal with Chinese magic-logic, or else he's wrong and is going to be very disappointed next week when he gets the test results.

The Translation of Blood

2007-11-07T16:40:00.000+08:00

So I'm looking for jobs, but in the meantime I have lots of free time. This being the case, I've agreed to take on a pro-bono translation project that I think is really fascinating.

One of the other regulars at the coffee shop I frequent is a prominent modern artist/art critic. He's recently returned to China from a twelve-year stint in Sweden and is working on various art-related projects in Dalian.

Recently, he traveled to Beijing to meet with Zhao Yue (赵跃), a young female painter and performance artist originally from Sichuan. He wanted to meet her and better understand her motivation behind "Lines" (格子)，a performance piece marked by startling self-violence.

My friend is a critic for the website artron, which is pretty much the main online venue for contemporary Chinese art. He's written a review of "Lines," titled She Says "No" to a World of Men, in which he interprets the piece as a feminist and political protest against the gender divisions and subjugations in modern Chinese society.

The article has generated much interest and controversy in the community, and my friend is hoping to have it published in western art magazines. He's asked me to translate the article into English; I think it will be a really interesting experience. The subject matter is thrilling-- philosophically, aesthetically, socially, politically-- and the translation itself will hopefully give me the challenge I've been looking for.

Don't show these pictures to the kids:

"Lines" （格子） by Zhao Yue （赵跃）

Update on Mountains, Jobs, and Threesomes, or "Putting the 'Bait' back into 'Jailbait'

2007-11-05T21:03:00.000+08:00

So I got real sick of all the bullshit around here, and decided it was time to go hiking. "There is no bullshit in the mountains," this was my thinking. It's 100% true, and has a nice ring to it; I think we can put that little treasure in the canon next to Murphy's Law and the Pythagorean Theorem.

So I took a bus or three and wound up at Bingyugou, a fantastic canyon river surrounded by miles and miles of craggy cliffs and rolling forested hills. The downer was I arrived a little late; in the summer you can float on your back down the river, and up through October you can watch what I imagine is a spectacular display of tree-leaves, but by the time I got there, it was pretty much a cold, lifeless canyon.

But the up-side, of course, was that I was the ONLY PERSON in the entire joint. I hiked for 7 hours and only saw one or two park staff and some farmers; the rest of the time, it was just me and the mountains. Well worth the trade-off. And to be honest, the trees did still have some color; no reds, but some brilliant yellows and that goldish brownish not-quite-dead hanging-on-to-the-tree-for-life sort of resilience that makes being struck by a falling leaf all the more rewarding, like being brushed by an angel in descent.

Anyway, one day in transit and one day of hiking left me feeling MUCH better, and I returned with renewed vim and even some vigor. I've applied for some incredible jobs (NY Times Shanghai bureau anyone?) but we'll just have to wait and see and keep looking in the meantime.

And yes, the threesome. Those of you following my drama with the 18 year-old Mongolian hottie will get a kick of this. Her cousin's in town. Hotter, younger cousin...

This blog post has been deemed inappropriate by censors and is temporarily inaccessible. If you want to hear the (hot hot ridiculous) story about the Mongolian threesome, email me and I'll send you the text.

Freedom of speech protests and complaints about internet censorship can be forwarded to my mother at:
jrechtman at themastersschool dot com

I'm Going on a Diet----- No More Bullshit

2007-11-01T21:24:00.001+08:00

So I got into a fight with my school's administrator about the speech I was going to do at the Dalian City Chinese Lecture Contest. I wanted to do something meaningful and provocative if possible, and at the very least something interesting and personal.

This guy was dead-set on me doing a speech written by some other student entitled "I Love You, Soy Milk and Chinese Donuts."

F U C K <> T H I S <> S H I T

It wasn't until I went ten rounds with this guy that I realized how bullshit my entire situation here is. I'm attending classes that aren't challenging me, hanging out with Chinese college sophomores and Korean exchange students, living in a dump and telling myself everyday "I really want to get started on something meaningful."

Well, you know what? There's no better day to cut out the bullshit than today.

I ain't doing this contest, I'm gonna cut back seriously on the amount of class I attend, and I'm going to start aggressively making moves towards changing my situation.

I'm not doing what I want to be doing right now, and that's gotta change. The problem, of course, is that I don't know exactly what I want to be doing... but I'm ready to clear my head and start focusing my energies on figuring out my priorities and getting my shit together.

What time is?
Game Time.

Let's bust a move.

Harry Potter and the Lack of IP Law

2007-10-29T17:21:00.001+08:00

I'm way late, but found this article from three months ago that I think is HILARIOUS.

"No one can say with any certainty what the full tally is, but there are easily a dozen unauthorized Harry Potter titles on the market here [in China] already。。。
These include “Harry Potter and the Hiking Dragon,” “Harry Potter and the Chinese Empire,” “Harry Potter and Leopard-Walk-Up-to-Dragon,” and “Harry Potter and the Big Funnel.”
Some borrow little more than the names of Ms. Rowling’s characters, lifting plots from other well-known authors, like J. R. R. Tolkien, or placing Potter in plots lifted from well-known kung-fu epics and introducing new characters from Chinese literary classics like “Journey to the West.”

UPDATE: mysticchildz has the real good stuff: Excerpts from the Fake Harry's. (I highly recommend Harry Potter and the Big Funnel).

Is there a 成语 that means "grrrrrr" ?

2007-10-29T15:55:00.000+08:00

I want to give you an idea as to where I am in my Chinese studies:

I'm reading a (quite interesting) novel, and have to stop to look up the unfamiliar, fairly obscure character 盏. It turns out to be a measure word that is only used for the arithmetical counting of lamps and/or small cups of wine.

Meanwhile, the characters that I am very familiar are starting to take on new and crazy meanings. For example 公文旅行, which is made up of very simple characters, turns out to have this whopper of a definition:

"An official document concerning a practical problem or requiring a solution to it is passed from one government department to another and the problem can't be solved for a long time."

One the one hand, it's great that these silly obscure things are the only things I have yet to learn; it's like dotting the I's and crossing the T's on my study of a very complex language.

On the other hand, these little pesky bits are:

A) ENDLESS. I mean, almost literally innumerable. Though you only need a couple thousand characters to read and write most Chinese, there are over 50,000 that might pop up in one place or another.

B) FRUSTRATING. You see the measure word for lamps, you look up in the dictionary, and you immediately forget it. Unless you're determined-- as I am-- to retain these ridiculous words, in which case you spend hours and hours looking at flashcards of the bastards.

C) FUNDAMENTAL. Obscure as they may be, you still gotta know 'em. I recently learned the word that means "singe," which got me thinking about learning English. Singe, burn, roast, sear, grill, blacken, char, it goes on an on. You could easily see any one of them in a book, newspaper, or simple document. If you haven't learned them, you don't know what the sentence means. The same with Chinese. Except with Chinese, they're even more important, because a character in Chinese can convey a hell of a lot more meaning than a single word in English (see the bit about the "traveling official document" above).

加油！

Jobs Lost and Jobs Found and What About Money?

2007-10-29T10:46:00.000+08:00

Didn't get the job at the giant ad-company, but that's a bit of a relief-- I was totally intimidated by them anyway. I'm still getting lots of interested replies from other companies, and follow-ups are in progress.

Two friends have confirmed what I suspected: I should be putting my salary requests upwards of 10,000 RMB a month, which makes me feel weird. I recognize that that's about what it costs to live a Western lifestyle in China, but the thing is, I'm not used to living a Western lifestyle in China. And if I was making that much money, I'm not sure I'd start-- I might continue living in my crummy Chinese tenement, eating noodles, and saving money for........ something. Travel. Maybe open my own bubble-tea store.

Now, my requesting 10,000 RMB and someone actually paying me that much (an astronomical sum for a Chinese college graduate) are two different things. Though I may be worth that much, I can't shake the skepticism that a Chinese company would shell out that kind of dough.

But as Enya says, who's knows? Only time.

Did I just quote Enya?
Yes.

Fan Club

2007-10-26T19:34:00.000+08:00

So today at my ridiculous VJ job I had my first mob of groupies gather around outside the broadcast studio: a half-dozen middle school girls wearing school uniforms and Snoopy backpacks. That's it Jon: play to the teeny-boppers.

They stood outside giggling for a little while, electing a leader. Finally, one of the girls reluctantly accepted the responsibility, and-- shushing her friends-- timidly approached the studio entrance.

"Hello, older brother," she said (in Chinese). "Can I have your phone number?"

I gave it to her, and sent her running back squealing to her friends.

Two minutes later she was back.

"Older brother," she said. "What's your name?"

When they left, my co-host shook her head knowingly and sighed. "This is only the beginning..."

From the Propeeganda Department

2007-10-25T15:40:00.000+08:00

I don't often post pictures of poorly-translated English over here, but this one stands out because the translation is actually spot on. That's pretty much exactly what the Chinese says: "Closer... close to civilization."

Oh, may we get ever closer to that sweet, urinalicious society of harmonious development.

One step at a time, folks, one step at a time.

Cheater, Redux

2007-10-23T21:21:00.001+08:00

Loyal readers will perhaps remember an old blog post from about this time last year when-- in a series of weak moments-- I agreed to basically do my friends' English homework for them.

Well, this afternoon it happened again-- except this time around, it was my teacher.

Apparently, the lady who teaches my translation class (a joke to begin with) is enrolled in a master's program in English-Chinese comparative lit at another (presumably better) university across town.

So when only myself and one other person showed up to her class this afternoon, she put aside the textbook and told me that today's class would be my writing her English homework for her while she dictated it to me in Chinese (thus qualifying as translation). She gave the other student busy work, and had me write out her essay on William Blake's "Tiger" poem. As her ideas were half-baked to begin with, I wound up helping her with most of the analysis, as well.

I'm sick of this shit. I paid money to learn Chinese at this school, the classes are a waste of time, the students are all below me, there's no advanced listening or speaking components, and THE TEACHERS ARE MAKING ME DO THEIR ENGLISH HOMEWORK.

If I get a job, I'm just got to quit this school cold.

Job - and FANTAWILD

2007-10-22T15:57:00.000+08:00

I had a really interesting job interview today.

But before I write about that, I have to mention the name of the entertainment complex that's about to open above the coffee shop I frequent. It's called-- get this-- the Fantawild Hi-tech Family Funplex. Isn't that a hilarious name? If that doesn't make you laugh, try reading the below sentence as if you were Gob from Arrested Development:

"Guys, were talking about the Fantawild Hi-tech Family Funplex.... C'MON!"

Ha!

But, oh yeah, I went to a job interview today. It was at an advertising agency called Brain Sky that's looking for help bridging marketing campaigns to Western audiences. For whatever reason, I was expecting a really laid-back chat at a small boutique firm, and found myself across a conference table talking with three suits about how to advertise cell phones and translate obscure Chinese idioms into marketable ad slogans, looking out a giant window over the entire city from their enormous corporate headquarters on the 21 floor of a skyscraper.

Considering how taken aback I was and how utterly ignorant I am of the advertising industry, I think I handled myself pretty well. I answered all their questions, didn't make a fool of my Chinese, and even impressed them with some quick analysis of Chinese-Western cultural differences in regard to the relative power of Earth and Heaven (ie, Chinese ads always talk about "best under the sky" whereas in English we like to say "best on earth").

What blundered was the money question. These guys are all wearing expensive suits and chilling out in a skyscraper: when they ask me how much I want, I say "no less than 5000 kuai a month for full-time work," which, while certainly enough to be comfortable here, is still definitely low-balling myself. They were taken aback; I think they were expecting an extra digit. The big boss even wanted to clarify: "You mean 5000 RMB, right? Not US dollars?" I meekly nodded.

Oh well. They'll get back to me in a week and we'll see what happens.

In the meantime, I'm still chuckling over the Fantawild Hi-tech Family Funplex.

High Praise

2007-10-21T00:59:00.000+08:00

I wrote The Professor this morning; we hadn't been in touch in a long time and I wanted to say hi and clue him into my latest doings out here in Dalian. He's still in Beijing, teaching at the university and pursuing various literary interests.

He responded later this afternoon, saying this about my prospects:

”It seems that your talents and ability, your positive attitude toward life in general, your admirable diligence, PLUS a handsome foreign-devil's white－face, have opened all the doors and windows in China for you!"

Oh man, The Professor is the best. I'm going to treasure this description forever...

FISH!!! (and a job)

2007-10-18T14:04:00.000+08:00

Oh my god.

I'm like a kid here with these fish. They were given to me as a birthday present by Xiao Fei, the girl that was briefly my girlfriend and whom is now and always will be a dear friend/little sister. Two bowls, with two fish per bowl, and I'm freaking out with love for the lil' squirmers.

Ya'll that know me know that I am not and have never been an animal person. Six too many dog-bites when I was small; it's not that I don't like animals, it's just that I don't trust them, I don't feel comfortable around them. I acknowledge that humans are far more dangerous and unpredictable than animals, but people I can handle-- I'm good with people. I suck with animals.

But these fish-- they're SOOOO cute. And not just cute, but peaceful. Relaxing. They swim in their bowl. I go to class. They swim in their bowl. I come back. They're still swimming! Something about this triggers an intense pleasure in my soul--- I'm delighted every time I look them.
Also, having fish in your room does wonders for your feng shui. I put the fish on the windowsill across from my bed, and their bowls fill with sunlight... the convex shape of the bowls distort the fish, bending them into hilarious clown-faces. I put colorful stones and bits of plant-life in the bowls... now there's water and rocks and plants and animals all in my room, like a splendid little garden that I see every morning when I wake up!

I LOVE FISH!!!!

Other exciting-- but non-fish-related-- news: I sent out my resume to a bunch of Chinese companies, and one of them responded. "Brain Sky": unclear whether that's the name of the company or the guy who founded it, or both. In any case, they're a boutique ad consultancy business located in Dalian, and appear to have a quirky dot-com-esque office culture. They're looking for an English translator, and want to meet me for an interview. It goes down on Monday. Will keep ya'll updated...

Happy Birthday!

2007-10-17T17:07:00.000+08:00

And it is. A very happy birthday.

I gifted myself an absence from class this morning and slept in for a bit until the next-door neighbor decided to start playing with his power tools.

Because God favors me personally, my birthday featured excellent weather (the weather is controlled by God) and I started the day with a hearty run through a nearby park, around a lake, and out to the city's arboretum. It was beautiful.

I had lunch with some friends before attending my school's annual Chinese lecture competition. I was first up, and rocked 'em like I planned: I took first place and won a DVD player and a spot in the city-wide competition next week. Booya.

Now I've got an hour or so to kick back and rest before meeting my posse for a barbeque dinner: it's going to be a birthday full of roast lamb and grilled squid!

If anyone wants to give me a gift my birthday... you can't, because I'm in China and shipping is way expensive. But you can do this: visit the American Cancer Society's website and learn how to donate your time, money, and/or effort to fight cancer.

Recently, many people I love and care about have been affected by cancer... it's a very unfair illness that hurts people that don't deserve to be hurt, and I want it to stop. While I generally prefer magic over science, I think this one needs to be tackled from both sides, so I'm asking people to offer their prayers and money to help beat cancer. If the ACS seems a little big, a little impersonal, then I recommend donations to Cancer Sucks, an alternative but still very serious anti-cancer non-profit.

Thank you.

Oh, go choke on your own growth

2007-10-14T22:00:00.000+08:00

So the New York Times has just published the third segment of it's "Choking on Growth" series, a string of investigative reports on why China's super-fly economic development is effectively destroying the environment and ruining the lives of the people that live there.

Knock it off, will you?

Look, the Chinese know they're facing an environmental crisis. They know it better than we do in America. And the Chinese government is dealing with it-- albeit in an authoritarian manner, but hey, it's an authoritarian country and that's how shit gets done when your population is bigger than most continents'.

An average young person in China is more conscious of energy usage, water resources, desertification, and air quality than most liberal American college students. The proportional amount of intellectual and political capital being allocated towards environmental sustainability in the Communist Party far surpasses that being spent in the current administration in America.

Sure, this ain't the place to go grass-roots. And yeah, you don't want to drink the water. But this Choking On Growth theme is entirely disingenous: it portrays a country that doesn't care about the environment, or at the very best, cares but is so politically inflexible as to be counterproductive in addressing it. That's simply not the case.

China follows a policy of scientific development. The environment is a problem; everyone recognizes it and wants to see it fixed via better urban planning, public policy, and more efficient technology. In America, we're still debating whether God created monkeys and whether global warming is a big liberal hoax.

China's not choking on it's growth, it's taking care of business and looking ahead to the future.
What's America doing these days?

Updates

2007-10-13T21:48:00.000+08:00

My cold is getting better.

The Chinese Communist Party is picking its next generation.

I will celebrate my birthday on Wednesday by representing my class at the school-wide Chinese oratory contest.

Gore Gore Gore Gore Gore. Gore Gore Gore. GORE!

I am still struggling with a restless anxiety about what I'm doing with my time here, both academically and socially. I want to move beyond the shallow ease of class and find more challenging work in translation; I want to move beyond basketball pals on campus and meet mature people that I can develop real friendships with.

Speaking of real friendships, my dearest Guo Chen is leaving Xi'an tonight and flying to Texas to begin her exciting new life abroad. I urge America to welcome this incredible person with open arms.

Tonight, another lonely night. I sat in a busy cafe for an hour with my chess set spread out in a challenge to passerbys, but no takers. At home, I will eat an entire pomelo, watch a movie, and sleep.

Sick!

2007-10-10T12:11:00.000+08:00

I have a cold! Agggh!
And it's only the beginning of October.... come winter I'll have no choice but to freeze to death. It' the only way.

Fortunately, stuffed sinuses and runny nose didn't stop me from yanking the top spot in my class' "Chinese Lecture Contest". My 5-minute speech on "Why I Love China" received teacher's fond praise, and I'll be representing our class in next week's school-wide contest... if I rank in the top three there, it's on to the city-wide contest in November!

But in the meantime, nothing but soup and rest and Chinese placebo pills...
I really need an English book...

And China is Full of Kung Fu and Dragons...

2007-10-08T19:42:00.000+08:00

So I just finished my first real novel in Chinese: "A Pekinger in New York."

I picked it out randomly at a book store because I liked the title and appreciated the slogan on the cover: "If you love her, send her to New York, because New York is heaven. If you hate her, send her to New York, because New York is hell."

Basically, it's your classic immigrant story, only it goes on about fifty critical pages farther than most immigrant stories. In the early 80s, an ordinary Chinese married couple win a one-and-a-million shot at a freebie US visa, and leave their young daughter behind to strike it rich in on the hard streets of New York.

The author apparently has some knowledge of New York geography-- he constantly references
the Holland tunnel and there's a pretty funny, awkward scene in a peep-shop on 42nd Street-- but it's quickly revealed to be a shallow, prejudiced knowledge: this is the story of a hardworking Chinese man and woman struggling to make a life in a city brimming with blacks (who are all violent thieves) and Jews (who are all scheming businessman).

Worst of all is the author's attempt to reproduce English slang, which appears in the book as short phrases of butchered Americana followed by approximate Chinese translations. "Hello what is up brother! (你好，我兄弟！)" is the greeting uttered by the dude at the airport that steals their luggage immediately upon arrival. "Good work, China boy! （你干活干得很好，中国朋友！)" says the shifty middleman that screws them out of wages earned.

The story of their lives in America is a survey of exaggerated misconceptions punctuated by the occasional plot twist (fervent love affair, gambling away 40 grand at Atlantic city, daughter kidnapped by heroin-shooting biker gang).

To be fair, I loved reading it and it was great Chinese practice. But to be even more fair, it's the kind of literature that is responsible for the ENORMOUS amount of distrust and disgust towards certain groups of people that is still very very common in East Asia.

Even scarier is that the book was turned into a hit TV soap opera ten years ago. Now even people too lazy to read can learn what America is really like: guns, high taxes, and Harlem.

Thankfully, more than enough American pop-culture has made it's way here in the past decade, so we have a chance to present America the way WE see it: you know, 50 Cent videos and Bruce Willis flicks.

What a world.

The Last Time I Write About The Contest, I Promise

2007-10-06T12:16:00.000+08:00

So I've been thinking more seriously about looking for work as a translator, and I figured it was time to start actually trying to translate stuff. Turns out it's HARD. Here's my first attempt: a short passage from the Victory Walker, our local mega-mall publication.

"9月8日“新声闪耀”DJ选拨赛初选在胜利广场中央大堂热闹开选, 比赛中每位选手均通过自我介绍，自备主持和现场推介音乐三个环节的基本素质比拼，并接受三位评委的热辣点评和专业指导。经过十几天的角逐,最终有21名优秀选手成功挺进决赛.决赛中每位选手都力争将自己最具个性的语言风格展现给评委和观众,他们的娱乐气氛给现场带来了接连不断的欢乐.其中最吸引观众眼球的是一名在大连外国语言学院留学的美国籍选手了，他以流利的中文主持赢得了在场所有观众的热烈掌声.最终这名异国选手以精彩的表现获得了比赛三等名.

The preliminary round of the "Fresh Sound Sparkle" DJ tournament was held amid much excitement in the main hall of Victory Plaza on September 8th. The competition required each contestant to give a self-introduction, act as an event host, and introduce a piece of music; in the end, they faced the fiery criqitue and professional guidance of a three-judge panel. After a dozen or so days of competition, 21 outstanding contestants successfully entered the final championship round.

In the championship, each contestant struggled fiercely to show the judges and audience that they had the most style, personality, and voice, creating an atmosphere of non-stop entertainment and fun. Amongst them all, the contestant that most attracted the audience's eye was an American student from the Dalian Foreign Languages University, whose fluent Chinese hosting won him the applause of everyone in the house. In the end, this foreign contestant's splendid performance earned him third-place in the competition."

Fuck it. I want this man as my president.

2007-10-05T12:42:00.000+08:00

Giuliani's old radio show:

Then there was David from Oceanside, who was president of Ferrets’ Rights Advocacy. He was furious that the city health code had just been changed to bar ownership of ferrets.
Mayor Giuliani was outraged that David was outraged. They went back and forth during the summer of 1999.
“David, your compulsion, your excessive concern for weasels is a sign of something wrong in your personality,” the mayor said. “I am giving you the benefit of 55 years of experience — having handled insanity defenses, you need help.”

Oh, it's Special alright...

2007-10-02T21:31:00.000+08:00

So I was sitting in the wonton house, reading a book and nibbling on soup dumplings -- as is my custom -- when the wonton boss turned on the house TV and tuned into the opening ceremony of the Special Olympics, which is about to convene in Shanghai.

The first point of interest came in some interesting translation work done as the opening speeches were made. There was an English-speaking host and a Chinese-speaking host; the white dude would say something like "an event as incredible as the Special Olympics is built on courage and determination," and then the Chinese lady would say "China is courageous and determined, and is hosting the Special Olympics." The crowd loved it.

Next up to the stage: Zhang Ziyi. Very graceful, very beautiful woman. Internationally famous actress. Trained at Julliard. Chinese can't stand her. I think the Geisha movie really pissed 'em off.

Then there was a live kung fu performance with, like, a thousand martial artists kicking the asses of a thousand invisible punks in perfect unison. Awesome. Unclear whether these particular martial artists are intellectually disabled.

Finally, the big man himself arrives. The keynote speaker; a man who wholly embodies the spirit of the Special Olympics: former Mr. Universe, T2000, and current governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger himself takes the stage in Shanghai to let the people know what's up.

"I know a leetle bit about action movies," he generously informed the masses. "But the REAL action is going to take place right here, and the real stars are you guys..." at which point a diverse squad of photogenic Special Olympiads trounced on stage, grinning and waving to the cameras.

"So it's my pleasure to be here in this great country, and in this great city, to witness this historic event."

Thus spoke Conan the Barbarian.

(Actually, to be totally fair, Schwarz really has come to fit the role of a polished, eloquent, and dynamic statesman. How bout giving him a briefcase full of peace-treaties, an olive branch, a machine gun, and some hand grenades and sending him out on diplomatic missions to conflict zones? He'd be like: "we can talk about this reasonably, or I can go Total Recall on your ass." Problem solved.)

Anyway, that's what's going on in Shanghai right now.

Postscript: I have major beef with the so-called "Special Olympics." Read my tangential rant (which I call a "rantangential") on pages 26-27 of The Art Of Living.

You know... Eunuchs

2007-09-30T22:09:00.000+08:00

So I always go to the same DVD vendor who spreads out bootlegs on the sidewalk in front of our school because he always recommends fantastic picks.

He turned me on to "Contract Lover", a fairly predictable romantic comedy that was-- honestly-- brilliant. Then he recommended "Blood Brothers", a cool gangster flick about 1930's Shanghai underground. When he hit me with "The Longest Night In Shanghai," a sort of "Lost In Translation"-esque midnight romp around the Bund, he earned my total trust.

So it was that I reluctantly bought the copy of "Court Eunuch" he insisted I would enjoy. "It's not quite porn," he told me, "But don't let your girlfriends see it."

The plot, for those interested, relates to the sexual misadventures of a eunuch in the court of the crumbling Qing emperor at the end of the 19th century. This particular eunuch is endowed with a single testicle, which the Master Castrator spared him to repay a debt to the eunuch's family. Armed with a ball, he fucks concubines for an hour and half and then the DVD scratches out, like all the DVDs I buy here.

I would rate "Court Eunuch" as worse than Ang Lee's films, but better than Zhang YiMo's films.
If it was starring Jackie Chan as the uni-baller, it would have been AWESOME.

Land of the Free, Yada Yada.

2007-09-30T19:57:00.001+08:00

Snippet from "Reporting While Black" at NYTimes.com.

“This is America,” I said angrily. “I have a right to talk to anyone I like, wherever I like.”

The [police] officer trumped my naïve soliloquy: “Sir, this is the South. We have different laws down here.”

Rand Bashing

2007-09-30T19:33:00.000+08:00

I, for one, will never get sick of "Ayn Rand is crazy" barbs, in part because I myself flirted with Objectivism when I was 19.

This particularly classy quip is a time-traveler: it's taken from the original NY Times book review of Atlas Shrugged when it was published in 1957.

"Perhaps most of us have moments when we feel that it might be a good idea if the whole human race, except for us and the few nice people we know, were wiped out; but one wonders about a person who sustains such a mood through the writing of 1,168 pages and some fourteen years of work."

The Troubles of an Aspiring Chinese VJ

2007-09-29T11:08:00.001+08:00

A little more information about this VJ job and why I'm totally unqualified to do it:

1) The live broadcasts are played on every video monitor (over 500) across the entirety of Victory Plaza, which I recently found out is the largest underground shopping plaza in all of Asia (and Asia loves shopping plazas). That means that should I stutter, or pronounce a tone-mark wrong and say "vagina" instead of "pen", literally thousands of people will be tuned in to watch.

2) Yesterday afternoon the Boss came down and had a chat with the hosting crew, reminding them that they needed to be keeping things fresh: new haircuts, new clothes, new styles, new personalities, make-up, flair, everything needs to be new and exciting every single day. "Remember, you are the face of a trend: you are the face of what's cool in your generation."

The problem is that I've never been trendy; I've always been cool in my own way, but never in accord with an established norm. To date, I don't think they've figured that out yet; they still think I represent cutting-edge American fashion. But I don't want to have to pretend to be someone else's cool: I prefer rocking Thai fisherman's pants and wife-beaters and being just as fly as I wanna be.

3) If I do this job, I would be the "Euro-American Pop Culture Host", which is laughable: I know NOTHING about pop-culture, at least not any pop-culture from the past ten years. They want me to talk insider-gossip about Justin Timberlake and some group called Westlife; I want to explain the social significance of Michael Jackson and Tupac. In other words, they want the "Jon Rechtman Euro-American Pop Culture Hour" and I want the "Jon Rechtman Old School Hip-Hop and Funk from the late 80s/early 90s Hour."

So I really don't know what to do. On the one hand, it's a fantastic opportunity, very cool and convenient: one hour a day, Monday through Friday, a little bit of pocket money, an enormous Mandarin challenge, very cool co-workers, and local celebrity status. On the other hand, I still feel unprepared and uncomfortable and a bit of a fake, and I wonder if I'll get real sick of it after the novelty wears off.

I know what I need to do is suck it up and make it happen: prepare my material, find my niche, and let time take care of the rest; if I work hard for a couple months, I'm sure I can make it happen and make it happen right.